december

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DM's Realm

12.05.03
8:30 a.m.

It’s morning, it’s early, but we have to be somewhere later today, so I wanted to get a little more work done before Master really needs my attention.

I got the new puter yesterday. Spent some time getting things plugged in and installed. YIPPEE! It runs like a champ. The very first (ok second thing) I did was make restore disks. New systems don’t come with a recover cd anymore…with a dvd/cd burner, they ask you to make your own copies. So that’s what I did. If I had dvd+r disks, it would have only taken two disks. This took me 8 cd’s plus a recovery tools cd. Sigh. That’s ok…I can deal with that. At least the system is backed up in the unlikely event that something did go wrong. This thing is fast, fast, fast! Makes me a happy boy.

On to other things. Today starts the SW Leather Conference. I forgot to plug it into the resources part of my site…We have 2 1/2 days immersed with other people in the leather lifestyle. We’ll make some new friends and see some old ones. I’m pretty excited…and I get to finally meet a couple people I haven’t met yet…

Update on the foot/ankle. Went to the doc yesterday. I got this cool ankly booty brace thing. Much more comfortable than the air splint. Gives my foot support where it needs it. Nothing broken, just a very damaged ligament. The P.A. was really nice and gave me lots of information. I’ll start physical therapy next week.

Master came home in a very strange mood last night. It’s mainly because I am still not a fully functioning service boy, and She had to do all this stuff She really didn’t want to do. And I was setting up puter, so I know that didn’t make Her very happy. Anyway, what could have been an argument (at the least) and a nasty fight (at the worst) was averted. I was able to stay calm and She managed to get some of the laundry done. Kitchen is still a mess, but so are my hands, and She doesn’t want me doing the dishes til the hands heal all the way. I go see that doctor again next week.

I’ll be glad when I am done with drs. It’s been months and months of them. Time to get over this!

Other then that nothing new or exciting to write about. Just the puter. I have to give it a name at some point…but I don’t know what yet.

That’s the update in boyland. I need to write some stuff on the boy’s life part of this site. It’s been a long long time since I put anything there. At least I’m keeping this part of the site going on a more regular basis…

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12.03.03

My television addiction is just fine thank You!

While the service slave was here, he kept saying that i needed to "work" on my addiction to television.

Addiction? I grew up with television, watched it in the play pen while mom cleaned the house. Or worked on art. Addiction? I'm from the generation that watched the horrors of Vietnam broadcast into our living rooms at 5:30 p.m. every evening with Walter Cronkite. I fell in love with Media by the time i was a freshman in High School. Our teacher had us listen to radio broadcasts of "The Shadow", and "Fibber McGee's Closet." I was hooked. From there, we learned how to make photo essays, and we were talking about the impact of advertising on children. When i finally went to college, i went to learn how to make television, to find out what made it tick. What were the secrets, and the history. Instead of just being a slack-jawed couch potato who was programmed for impulse buying, i wanted to be an informed and intelligent slack-jawed couch potato, who could resist the programming .

It kind of worked.

I studied not only production, but also Theory. Television and Film Theory, which is based in Literature Critique, which finds it's concepts based in Freud, Jung, and other psychological greats. So, i found myself, after college, reading psych books that i didn't have time to read in college. It all fits together. Master and i watch television, alot of it. She has a degree in American Folklore. I have one in Media Arts, we have very interesting conversations about what is going on in the shows, what they are feeding us, and how it is designed for reactions.

We both hate laugh tracks, which is why "Arrested Developement" has its appeal. Besides, it's produced by Ron Howard, who grew up "On" television. And even though we haven't written much lately on it, Master started The TV Room blogspot and i participate on it.

Out of all the things i've been addicted to in my life, Television, for me is one of the more harmless addictions. It's better then doing rails of cocaine and then going out and getting in a really bad car accident. It's better then going out and getting drunk then picking up some stranger, and waking up somewhere where i have no idea where i am at.

As far as addictions go, it's mild, it's tame, and it provides topics for discussion.

And i've just been thinking about the statement. And why it hit me so hard. I would be hard pressed to live a life without the television we have. I grew up with it. I've watched it grow and change with times. I've watched it get worse, and better, and worse (where did all the variety shows go huh? And Reality Television? AACCKK!) And possibly better.

And without television...we wouldn't have the Simpsons. The longest running animation of primetime. And i am a Simpsons nut.

I've spent time working on this addiction. I've tried a variety of ways to stop it. Moderate it, turn it off. But i always come back to TV. Like an old friend, it is there. It is reliable, and sometimes, it makes me laugh.

And now that it is Xmas season, it's time to not watch so much, because of 1) the commercials and 2) Shows i like get pre-empted for the Xmas shows (like "I'm with Her").

That's boy rambling for the day. Needed to get that out. I don't think i'm defending Television itself, just clarifying why i like it so much, and why i have the need!

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12.02.03
8:30 a.m.

The house slave/boi left yesterday afternoon. I had time to piddle and deal with some things that i had set aside. Cleaning Master's computer, installing a graphics card, looking at a computer a friend gave us. Waiting for mine to come in. I need to get into the office and finish cleaning and taking care of files/paperwork, etc.

We bought another bookshelf over the weekend. Got that put together and up. The living room is now much cleaner then it's usual state of disarray. My stuff may not be filed all the way, but at least i know what is in each of the piles.

There is a sense of relief about getting this done. After several years of living with all my stuff in boxes, and not filed, finally going through it gives me a sense of completion. Closing a chapter on my life. I went through paper work that should have already been filed and closed out. This stack ranged from 1994-2000. It wasn't much but there was some very emotional ties to that particular stack. Now it is done, and never has to be done again!/

I have a crate full of the poetry project. That has to be sorted and filed. Once i get the new computer i will need access to some of that information. Master got the filing cabinets working, and now i can finally use those to file some of this stuff...YAY!

I'm drinking morning coffee, and deliberating what my next step is. I need to figure out how to make $$, and maybe it's just a matter of rethinking my approach. Since i am not a capitalist, i am still a bit unsure of how to do this. There are investment $$ in the offing, but i have to have everything in place in order to access that. And that's no garuntee the project will make $$.

So i need to brainstorm about how to attract people to my work. I know audio is one way to go. A better site for Diecast Poetry will be in the offing. A more interactive one. We built it last year with the intention that i would be adding to it. With the limitations of Master's system, i haven't worked more with the site. Once i get the new puter...we'll see what happens.

I know i'm rambling.

It's the ho-ho holiday Season. A time of year i normally stick my head in the sand. I don't buy into all the commercialism of Xmas. I usually celebrate Solstice in some quiet, reflective way.

Master and i are going to Kansas for Xmas, to spend time with Her sister and family. I shudder to think of the weather change, temperature drops, etc...yesterday it was a sunny 70 degrees here. Won't be that in Kansas. At least we are flying this time.

I'll adjust. And i'll manage, and i'll get all of this figured out eventually. The wonderful thing is i have a Master who believes that my art is important, who actually LIKES me, and allows room for all of this seeming wishy-washiness. She believes in maintaining the good mental health of this humble slave, and i am thankful for that. I've had so many relationships that were supposed to be what this one is. This relationship far exceeds any expectations i ever had.

Sure, we have our moments, but we also get through them. I have times when i question my service, my ability to set aside ego and self to serve Her. But then She reminds me, that there is a reason we have come together like this, and though the M/s dynamic is the expression of our relationship, it is not the total sum of it. There is the core, the love, the strength of being together. And though we want to eventually add someone else to this level of our relationship, we both know that being secure in the core is vital to the survival of our being together. The Master and slave dynamic is becoming more solid. And today i feel more like Her slave then i have in the last three months. And i haven't even thought about why. I just do. It comes and goes like that. And it's important for me to know that even though i have my doubts, i can still find that slave heart in me that desires to serve, to do for Her, and not for myself.

Maybe it's the journal. Writing here, knowing it won't be posted til this afternoon. I've spent time resenting that. Not today. I want Her to come home from lunch, read this, and say, "Yes, now you can post your journal." And i am not resenting that, i'm looking forward to it. But will She want to read it when She comes home from lunch? Will i be intruding on Her to ask this?

And does that really matter?

What matters is that this is a very important relationship to me. She is very important to me. And i am to Her. My life before Master is starting to recede in a healthy way. The old "I didn't do this or that" I didn't accomplish great and noble things, is beginning to rest, because starting today, i can accomplish great and noble things if i want to. Especially within this slavery i have discovered, again..

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