july

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DM's Realm

Same Day
11:30ish a.m.

i've finally come out of that self-absorbed state that building a website can put one in, and i am reading other people's journals...

The main weblog i've come back to is Rupaul...the muthafuka ROCKS!!! He wrote about his trip to Israel, and just hanging with people; and having to push his show back for a week...and well, the guy/girl is just real...and...we're the same age.

Want some other real journal...read zen slut...and of course, the journals i have listed to the left of this page.

Reading other people's stuff makes me think, and makes me write...i've been more prolific because i've been reading so much. Because i got un-self-absorbed...(have to go get re-self-absorbed in a few minutes). It's like when i read poetry, which i don't do that often (being a poet, you would think i did), it makes me want to go write poetry. I'll read it, then go get some paper, and out it spills, it spills over, and over and onto the page, out of my lil' creative brain, into the world of REAL.

And i need a good dose of reality right about now.

You know, i could use some $$. Anybody wants to order my book, "Myth of the One" go to Diecast Poetry Productions, and email me with info on where you can send a check to support our art. It'll only cost you $12.00 + shipping and handling. You get quality writing, a quality product, and hey, i'll even sign it for you! I would really like to make money at my art, instead of a 9-5 (or in my case, usually 4-10's, if i'm working in a kitchen). Or email us on how to support our websites, which is our artistic expression of the moment. (ok, i still have a lot of crayons to use up!)

I'm working on manifesting finances from the Universe. I haven't actually gotten into doing a ritual for it yet, but Master and i could use some funds. Check Her Journal out from today about what could benefit Our Household.

Ok, needed to rant about that some...on to the next subject...

07.30.03
8:15ish a.m.

B-ball! There's nothing like a live sporting event to get your ya-ya's out. The WNBA Mercury/Liberty game last night rocked! Not as many people as i thought would be there, but it was a good game.

Ok, New York couldn't play worth a damn. It's sad. T-Spoon is usually all over the court, and didn't start making points til the end of the game, when there was no chance for them to catch up. The Merc handled the ball much better then i ever remember. And they've been losing all season. Lisa Harrison was making points with the grace and style she has brought to this game. With the revamping of the Mercury team, Harrison was the one good trade they made. She kicked on LA, she works for the Merc. The team is made up of a bunch of young'uns, considering what used to be the line-up. I really though NY would show them how to play ball...instead THEY taught NY a few lessons on how to move around your opponent.

I screamed and yelled, and rooted for both teams. I always have this dilimna, do i root for the team that i like or the team that is winning? When watching Phoenix and LA i'm always torn...the only team i like to see lose is the Houston Comets, it's like with the Dallas Cowboys; they've taken the title home so many times, let someone else have a chance. (ok, LA won last year!).

We had mid-court seats, but the people i went with were kind of laid back. During the game i started having a conversation with one of them about bdsm, and why i like pain...ok...only in MY life! Consequently, we missed a few good plays. But i believe in education and information, to combat ignorance and prejudice.

It was a good night, and i appreciate Master letting me go to get some of this energy out. The best part about it was someone else bought my ticket. With as tight as we are financially, that was really appreciated.

I'm looking forward to the upcoming Women's Pro-Football Season. I won't be able to go to many games, but Arizona has two, count them, two pro football teams...the Knighthawks, and the Caliente. We know a couple of the Caliente players, so of course, i'll have to support that team.

Yesterday i promised to write a bit about Professional Sports in Arizona. Master pointed out that the Diamondbacks won the World Series two years ago...yes they did! We were all very thankful. Prior to that, with the Phoenix Suns not able to get past the semi-finals, the Phoenix Mercury losing in the last two or three games of the playoffs, or the finals; the Arizona Cardinals, who haven't played one good game since they moved to Arizona, it was getting frustrating. We have good players, it's not the lack of skill...

maybe it's the heat?

And we have the Phoenix Coyotes Pro Hockey team, but, i don't follow hockey, so i don't know.

The Suns are the oldest professional team in the state. They've had the NBA title in their grasp time and time again...still couldn't win it...The Merc have been around for 7 years (please correct me if i am wrong), and they can't bring it home. It took an upstart 3 year old Baseball team to bring home the World Series title (it was cool going to the game in June, and looking at the trophy, and all the World Series stuff).

Yes, the Diamondbacks were smart. They recruited some of the best players in the Leagues. For a young team, they had mostly veterans playing for them.

That's why they won. They work together...

Maybe the Merc can take a lesson from them...

And, well, i'm still not sure about Arena Football...but the Rattlesnakes (?) have won the title for that sport quite often... what's that about?

That's slave boy's take on Sports for the day...

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07.29.03
4:15ish p.m.

Made egg salad. Master wants it for Dinner. Got clothes put away, supposed to do that yesterday. Master and i had an intense giggle fest last night. We were all ready for bed, and doing the usual wind-down talking, and i asked if i could have some kisses. And She just started busting gut. We must have giggled for over a half an hour. Every time She looked at me, She started laughing again. And i wasn't making it any easier by laughing as well.

Laughter is good medicine. It's good food for the soul. Like crying, it releases some sort of chemical in the brain, and a person just feels "BETTER". We used to have laughing fits all the time, until life got intense, and i got all "serious" again. (read: depressed).

I think it was a good release, levels of physical stress because of our Scenes over the weekend. Discussions about friends in dangerous places mentally. Master's sister in the hospital 1500 miles away. We were way overdue for a giggle fest.

I didn't start it. And i really, really tried not to add to it. But every time i would look at Master, She would just start giggling again.

I've done nothing productive today except for what i wrote above. Well, i found a bunch of cool websites, and a journal i'm hoping to add as soon as i get permission. I got listed at a few more places...i'm turning into a webslut! Well, hey, i'm a slut, go figure.

And i am invited to a Phoenix Mercury Game...they are playing New York Liberty...i get to see T-Spoon run that ball down the court, and run circles around the home team. (a little miffed at the Merc for not bringing home the Trophy the last couple times). Any way, i'm going to be in an arena with 100,000 other dykes (ok, i'm not a dyke, but i look like one, i pass really well!). And well, that's just too much eye candy for this boy.

Master is being kind and letting me go...even though She probably really wants me here, helping Her through the sister stuff...but, it's the one game a year i look forward to, and the first one i get to attend since the season started in June.

Someday i'll write about my opinion on Arizona Professional Sports, and their inability to win anything significant, EXCEPT for Arena Football. Oh. i said significant, didn't i?

This won't get posted til later, but hey, i needed to write it...i'm sure Master will get around to uploading it at some point.

That's it for right now...

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07.28.03

As I've reported before, Master is implementing changes. Some of them subtle, some of them not. The newest development is when I write something personal, a Scene report, something about Us, our home/household; She wants to read it before I post it.

My writing is extremely personal to me. It is sacred. I write a lot. (except the last several months after Mom died...depression is a wonderful block to creativity). Having someone tell me that they want to read what I write first, before I post it to my personal website, strikes discord in me.

I've had problems in the past with lovers/partners not understanding what I wrote. I would have to explain it to them-mostly my poetry. I've had others use my writing against me.

Master does neither of these things. However, it still bothers me.

It is another level of Surrender. It is a way of re-training boy, and another way of Serving Master. Her motive is simple. She wants to read first what I write, before it goes out to the public. She wants a chance to see what is inside Her slave's head before others see it. She is not editing the content, or telling me I can't post what I've written.

So why am I having trouble complying? Why is this so hard for me?

I've held off writing this post today because I didn't want to risk posting it without Her reading it. I didn't want to take chances with myself. I didn't want to disobey the direct order. Sometimes I can't be trusted to follow certain orders. Not very slave-like is it...but it is very boy-like.

On to other mundane issues.

STYMIED

Read here what i've written before about Housework. Been having issues. Yes, I've had the eczema to contend with. Hands that have been hurting really bad. Can't vacuum. Doing the dishes is hard. Mounds and mounds of mail piling up that neither one of us wants to deal with. I was assigned two tasks today (after the bout of nausea this morning, hasn't happened in over a month. Couldn't drive Master to work, didn't get up until after 10:30 a.m.).

1) Get all the mounds of mail and paper collected to be gone through tonight.
2) Put the clothes away.

Got the first task completed. Got overheated and tired, needed to take a break. Master will be home in a little while, so I still have a bit of time.

But why is this so hard? I am an unemployed boy. It is my responsibility to take care of the house. I look at the stuff around me, and how messy the apartment is, and I freeze. I just don't even want to deal with it. It's not even about resistance, or resentment that "Master doesn't do anything."

It's about being stymied. Today.

Looking around at the mess, and not wanting to even start because it is slightly overwhelming. The last few weeks has been about the hands. Heck I can't even go swimming, and the pool keeps calling my name. I want to do the 9 a.m. swim to get that energy out, but the chlorine isn't good for the eczema. So, except for dishes, and simple meals, I haven't been very good about getting the house chores done. I've been serving Master in other ways, but I'm feeling slightly peckish about not holding up my end of the service slavery. She tells me I'm not allowed to hold these negative feelings about myself. She tells me if I am doing a bad job or not. She is the authority in my life.
So I beat the negative demons back, and let Her voice wash through my mind...

"You are a good boy, you are a good boy, you are a good boy."

And I begin to believe this.

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07.28.03

i am a coffee whore
or: a Treatise on Capitalism and the demise of Small business

There was a little restaurant down the street from us...Asado's Mexican Food, that advertised cheap fish tacos. I always planned to try them at some point. We've lived in this neighborhood since January. I never got around to it.

A couple weeks ago i was driving by, and noticed that they were stripping the insides. I thought "Oh, good, remodeling." (that's how much i pay attention!)

Then about a week and a half ago, i noticed up on the Marquee "17 years, thanks for the memories." And i took a good look. The place was closed. So go my chances for cheap fish tacos in the immediate vicinity.

I have been bemoaning the fact that i can't find a decent coffee house in our neighborhood, to go sit in and write, or draw, or color. I miss the atmosphere of Cafe Quebec in Tucson, now Cafe Q. I knew everybody, i was safe there, they knew me, and i could write and scribble, and not feel conspicious.

Here in the Valley of the Sun, i feel conspicious. Anywhere i go...capitalism vs. bohemian lifestyle. There's a coffee house close to downtown i feel comfortable at, but it's too far away, i can't walk there, not in 100+ degree weather. So where do i go to feel comfortable? There's a Starbucks not far away, but it's filled with business meetings and lots of talk. Starbucks isn't famous for creating intimate atmospheres.

However, i was thinking the other day, wouldn't it be nice to have a Starbucks closer to us? And especially, wouldn't it be nice to have a drive through Starbucks. I wanted one last night after i'd gone to the grocery store. I didn't want to walk in and order, i just needed a quick cup.

Well, wouldn't you know, i was driving past the old Asado's. The last few days i had been thinking...i wonder if Starbucks bought them out? It's a nice little corner. And what would make a small, successful drive-thru quality Mexican food place go out of business?

Starbucks. I saw the sign "Coming Soon: Drive Through Starbucks."
This is the way the Universe works for me. Sometimes i think something, then notice my surroundings, and notice that what i wanted is happening. Of course i hadn't been particularly observant, so maybe i had seen the sign before, and just didn't register the Starbucks sign.

And i am in conflict. I support local small businesses. It's what capitalism thrives on, what makes our country great. I always wanted to eat at Asado's.

I am also a coffee whore, and even though they are a big evil Fortune Five Hundred Corporation, i like Starbucks coffee, especially their caramel machiatto. And they have white chocolate mochas.

Will it be wrong to walk down there, plop myself down with my notebooks, and spend an afternoon away from the apartment while sucking down coffee, and writing? Supporting the Evil Corporation that bought out the restaurant i had always planned to eat at?
And enjoy it?

This is a delimma. Of course, i'll find myself swinging by, when needed, and the finances allow, to be an away-from-home coffee whore. But will an atmosphere be created where i can sit and write and draw? Or will it be like the other Starbucks in this town, loud, noisy, and full of people that contain no creative spark.

Just a thought.

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07.27.03
6:15 p.m.

This is about last night, and about discoveries.

Master has been in Sadist mode. She wants to keep hurting me. I'm not complaining of course. We had the scenes at the Dungeon Fri. night, but we hadn't had sex all week. I was so very horny! (Master called me a "happy, horny boy")

The last time we had sex, i didn't orgasm like i usually do. (pouting) I think that is due to the ejaculation i had a few weeks ago, and the complications of the daily grind.

I forgot to pack the molding sticks for Master on Fri. So out they came last night. (Sat. night) I had unpacked the toy bag, and laid some stuff out for Her, and She didn't want any of it. Into the closet those went. She told me to lay on the bed. She was sitting, and started thwacking my ass and thighs with these sticks. On top of the bruises left by the nasty evil white stingy thingy. The molding sticks are bigger then canes, but can still cause an inordinate amount of pain.

I let endorphines kick in. She kept saying "If you tense up boy, it'll hurt more." So i relaxed and breathed, and stopped fighting...rode the endorphines. Got into the "zone."

Apparently we can't have any of that...

She pulled me out of it. She had got up from the bed and was working the other thigh and the butt...and pulled me out of the "zone." Ok, so it started hurting again, and i started tensing up again, and She kept saying over and over, "it'll hurt more."

but, but, but...

And it hurt, and i held onto the bed, and there was underwear in my mouth (somebody else's that ended up in my wardrobe from my slut-of-the-world days). I was biting down and growling a bit, and once in awhile looking up with that feisty, "I want to hurt you back" look. I so wanted to stay in the zone so that i could process the pain better, and not struggle, and let the Sadist hurt me without the bother of a struggle. But She wants me to feel the pain, adrenaline, not endorphines.

A few more whacks, some on the inner thigh, and She was done. I wasn't thinking that we would have sex, because i don't try to expect anything. I serve Master's whims, not boy's whims.

sidenote: yesterday i was particularly horny, and jumped on top of Master, with the dick heading right home, and She told me i was being inappropriate, and slapped me across the face. Punishment Hurts. I curled into a corner of the couch. Not from the punishment pain, but because i knew i had done wrong, and i couldn't stop myself anyway. When She checked in with me a bit later, i explained why i was upset.

So i wasn't anticipating sex, but in a space where i would be upset without it. Once i could move from the stingy sticks, Master got out the towel and sheet, tossed the harness and dick in my direction, and instructed me to put it on. Sex! Oh JOY! OH HAPPY DAY! And i knew i was in a place where it wouldn't take much to get me off...

She gave me some pain during it. She's taken to face slapping while fucking. And likes to use Her small canes on my ass and back. Pain during sex causes me to fly. The pressure was mounting. Usually i take lots of time to make sure She is pleasured thoroughly. I'm not allowed to come unless told. Last night, She told me when...On the third stroke of the canes. And i gushed...and came again and again. In the Arms of the Goddess i Serve.

We talked afterward, and She said that sometimes the Pleasure She takes is from when i orgasm on Command. I get that, i really do. And i was a very grateful slave Daddy/boy. (also happy that my body would cooperate!)

And today, i am all goofy happy, sated, and not even terribly dissappointed that only 2 people showed up for the Hot Enough Erotic reading...from all the talk, i really thought more people would show up...oh well...maybe next time.

Discoveries... I found a blog that has linked to mine and Master's journals: kinky bits. she has just started this journal, but what she is writing is hot, and worth reading. Some of us are priveleged to live in a 24/7 Fantasy world that is called Real Life. "My life would make a really good Reality Television Show." Maybe that's what all these blogs and journals are about...maybe it's just because we have a need to express, and a desire to share it out there in the badlands of the internet...i am thankful that some people have good enough taste to make their journals easy to read. Not all of them are easy on the eye. Thanks kinky bits!

That's all for today. I forgot to ask for permission to write, and there's another punishment coming my way, and i know Master wants to share time with boy. We just had dinner, and i'm still digesting. Rice, veggie patties, and asparagus...yummy!

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07.26.03
11ish a.m.

Processing last night. A little hard with the space Master is in this morning. SingleTails wrote an entry a while ago about a Scene he would like to do, with a bottom. Adrenaline, not endorphine releases. I know i talk a lot about him, but it's because he writes such good stuff! . After reading that entry, i started understanding what it is i do, how i am reacting to Master's Sadist: when i turn around, growl, and want to fight back.

Adrenaline...I want to say "Fuck You," and fight back, and tell Her how much She is hurting me. As a bottom, when i was younger I was trained not to make noise. To be quiet and "take it". As i've grown older and learned to process pain differently, i no longer want to be quiet. I want to scream and yell, and say to the people hurting me "Do you know what you are doing." I don't think it's just about having switch/Daddy energy either. I do, I really do enjoy the pain. My "dick" gets hard, i get wet, my nipples will stand out, as i'm fighting Master through the pain.

Last night was intense in the quick sort of way. We had gone to dinner with friends first, (the Butch & the Femme) and talked about horses, and cats, and family, and things we like in life. We teased our waiter, and had a relaxing time. It was fun to watch the Butch play with her meat...a piece of burger meat between Her fingers , and bouncing it around with a grin on her face. (See, Daddies play, is that where boys get it from?).

Then we had to come back to the apartment. And Master had me get on my knees. I received my new tag last night. One that has Her name, my slave name and our collaring date...cool!

Then we went to the dungeon. And after awhile, set up an area. Master was about clothespins. How many, and for how long. And then we needed someone to count them. (The Femme is always up for counting). In the beginning, i was having a hard time controlling the pain. I was fussing, and complaining, letting Her know that a few of the points of pain were not good. I knew this was interrupting Her, and the Sadist that was out to play...i finally got it under control.

At the count...(the Femme did good, only had to recount them once), we had 72 clothespins. At another party it was only 50. Master was going to whack them off but two factors got in the way: i had forgotten the molding strips She likes to use for whacking; and with the high humidity the pins were sticking to my skin. If Master knocked them off, there was a risk that the skin could be damaged in ways that could break boy. There was a point where she spread my legs further apart and leaned into me, on top of the clothespins, bearing her weight down on them...OUCH!

Then they had to come off...something got stuck in my mouth as a gag. And finally i asked for the small spreader bar under the table to grip onto. I wasn't bound in anyway, and had to control my physical reactions. There were a couple times i wanted to just ball up my fist and clock her. She likes that fight in me, and that i can get a grip and control myself mentally, and physically.

We took a break. After all 72 of the pinchies had come off. The difference between the endorphine rush and the adrenaline rush, is that the pain isn't blocked. Naturally, the endorphines kick in at some point to help the pain, but it's not like flying or checking out. They help the body numb out from the pain, but my brain is still working through nerves that are waking back up.

During our break, i got to do some boot worship on a pair of brand new thigh high shiney boots...that was delicious. Master sat nearby and watched as Her boy licked his way to just this side of an orgasm...they were virgin boots too.

Finally, the space with the suspension bar and cuffs was open. So i moved our stuff over there. Master locked me in, the bar was a good height so we didn't need to adjust it. She warmed me up a little with the rope floggers, and then moved to the heavier artillery. There was something "off" with Her flogging, though; although with the longer rubber flogger, she does these strokes where the tips feel like razor raindrops on my back. It is unbelievably painful, but at the same time feels so very good.

She resorted to the nasty mean white rubber stingy thing. It is about a foot in length, with cut tips, and leaves nasty bruises. I had asked permission to be vocal in a way i haven't been in awhile. "May i please say "fuck you." I was allowed to say that to the implements, not to Her. So while She was thwacking me, I was like "Fuck that nasty little white stingy thing!" My hands were locked up, but i could swing around, and a time or two, and thought, for some reason that i could run away. That's the andrenaline, that's the "I want to fight You". That's Daddy processing the pain. A few other choice expressions fell out of the boy mouth. The small canes did hurt so much. She likes to hit the spot right underneath my shoulder blades, where it causes incredible pain, with the nerve bundles that live right there.

She worked my thighs too. And once in awhile grabbed the dick, and confronted me with the "You like the pain, don't You?" Sometimes. Sometimes, in the moment, i don't like it, i want to hurt something too. However, after it's over, my body and my spirit are very very happy.

And since we haven't played much between April and Now, i feel out of practice. I feel i need to "do better." But it's not up to me to say whether i'm doing a good job or not. She seemed to be happy with what She got.

But a long week, up early every day, news from home, all these factors played into Master's energy levels. Which is why the beating was intense, but short.

Adrenaline...i like responding that way. Endorphines help to take some of the pain, but it's the fight for control, the fight to stay in place that Master likes. Master likes that i can do this unrestrained, and keep the instinct in check. And being allowed to be verbally expressive in the public play space was appreciated.

I need to go take care of Master now, make sure She's ok, and process last night a little more...

A new tag on my collar today. Thats the cat's meow.

07.25.03
3ish p.m.

Cookie making would be commencing, but i boo-booed, and the cuisenart bowl is in the dishwasher, so i am waiting for that to finish before i can make cookies. It is so much easier to incorporate sugar and butter with the food processor then by hand. (still fighting the exzema stuff).

Having detail issues about dinner prior to the Dungeon tonight, nothing i can do about that until Master calls, and i let her know what the Femme and Butch are thinking about.

Finally got caught up on my favorite blogs...some of you out there are as prolific as i am! Finished reading M. Blair's Thunder report. It's interesting reading the differences between Her and danae. I could feel for M. Blair, about the sense of loss over Her slave.

Getting caught up on Girlfag...oh wow can i relate, oh so very much. Fortunately i have finished the Demon Fighting. The only fighting i seem to do these days is against myself. Old beliefs against new ones. Letting go of the past to live in the present. Not feeling like love is going to cheat me this time. Master said last year that this was for the long haul, this relationship. I believe Her, but sometimes, when She gets intensely close, i want to fight my way out of that one too. If She gets to close, then something will happen...don't want to feed that energy. There are very few things i could do to get thrown out of Her life. I have every desire to stay and keep this whatever-thing-it-is that we have started.

Reflections of one year later.

I have been in my chains all day. The chains i surrendered to Her a year ago. The chains that have tempered me, and have been my solace during those times when there was no one near. The chains that i wore during performances, that were baptized with Mud and Fire. The chains i received as a gift. The chains i never offered to any one else. The chains i offered to Her as my petition to belong to Her.

And She said Yes. And two days later came home with a chain collar and my first tag. And tonight we celebrate--the Surrender, the acquisence, the giving myself to a worthy Master, to serve and obey. To entertain and delight, to feed and love. Ok, so the obey part could be a little better. And the serving part could be a little better. However, She calls me a good boy. She tells me i don't have to do this perfectly, and i don't have to be 100% all the time. As long as i make efforts, and as long as there is progress. Progress is good...

I haven't napped yet, but i rested while reading journals. I stayed away from the tweaking the website while reading, because i really wanted to concentrate on what was being said. Remember, attention span of a gnat.

And i am so very excited about tonight...i have no idea what is in store for me. What Master has planned. i like the fact that She is spontaneous like that. No long drawn out elaborate designs. Just do whatever feels good in the moment. Less stress on the boy if i know i'm not having to Perform. I have to behave, but that's different then putting on a good show.

Well, i better go get the milk and eggs while the dishwasher is finishing up. Sometimes i wish communications lines were easier. Master doesn't receive phone calls at work, and this boy really, really needs a little guidence right now. (also i forgot to ask permission to take off the chains before showering or going to the store).

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07.25.03
9:00 a.m.

Just finished catching up on danae's blog...i've spent so much time in boy head space that i'm failing to read other people's journals. SingleTails and DaddySir are the two i keep up on, and Girlfag when i can. Master read the piece i wrote on loss and grief yesterday (the link works now!!!). She stated that it was very personal. I asked if that was a problem for Her, and She said no.

I don't know how to write objectively.
What makes me a bad fiction writer, is that i cannot seem to get to characters and plots that don't involve something from my life. My poetry is extremely personal. Built on events and emotions of my life. I've tried writing narrative poems...just can't do it.

I write flash fiction, (and this afternoon, after making cookies for the Dungeon tonight, i need to put that together for Hot Enough on Sunday...it's going to be a very busy weekend, with tonight, and then Master up tomorrow morning for the Tour, and Sunday's event...which i am very excited about...) the characters are there to make the Scene, not the story, though "Stable boy" has a solid plot... it's still very short. (written for someone whom i was sharing emails with three years ago).

I write off the cuff. When the mood strikes i open word pad and words scream out of me. I write because i need to process the stuff going on in my head. I have something like 50 journals from the two years of intensive therapy that i did in Tucson. (not gonna even try to transcribe most of that).

I write because i like to write. If people read this journal, they are going to encounter several consistant things...

1. The chaos in my brain
2. The creative spark in my spirit
3. the ongoing surrender to the Master i serve
4. concepts about television

What you will not encounter as formatted pages, are books i am reading, movies i watch, people in my life. No pages devoted to these things. I don't take those on-line quiz things, (though Master does occasionally) so you will not see my journals loaded down with that kind of "fluff" (trying not to offend those of you who do those things).

You will encounter my life as i write it in this journal. I treat it just like i treat the notebook i am using. Maybe i'll write about a book i'm reading, or a movie that moves me. People will show up on occasion, as they relate to my life and the lessons they teach me. But who they are and what they do is their business. Once in a while i will link a journal to entry to another journal entry, but that hasn't happened yet. It is because of the way i write and the way i process, that i created this website. It is because of the immediacy of the medium that i enjoy online journaling. It is because i am a multi-talented, multi-faceted human being that i have constructed boy land.

And my writing is quick. Sometimes i don't have the patience to create the links for you to click. If i find something important enough, i'll take the time, but usually, being a gemini and boy with the attention span of a gnat...that's too much work. I barely have the patience for html formatting...putting in the p commands, etc...

I know it doesn't make sense for someone who has just spent three or four weeks constructing this site, and having the patience to edit the code, and find all the appropriate photos and drawings. Do the layout, and spend time making sure it all works.

I never claimed to make any sense...(see #1 on what you will encounter on this site). I just know that most of the time i do not control what is squirting out of me as phrases and sentances and words. I like to ramble, and i don't like to edit my work. I believe in the act of spontenaity as it relates to the creative process. I'll edit for clarity, and i'll try to get the spelling correct...other than that, what comes out of me, 95% of the time, is not pre-meditated.

Reading other people's work inspires me. Inspires me to write more. So after reading the one blog, i had to write this. Who knows what will come out of me after reading the next few blogs.

And then, it will be time to make cookies.

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07.24.03

So tomorrow night is the BIG Night. Master is taking me to the Dungeon, it's the co-hosted Women's party at APEX. Some of our friends will be there.

She says i won't be in High Protocol, just medium protocol. I'll be allowed to talk to people, but i'll need to remember to ask permission to leave Her side, and no sassing! No Smart Ass Masochist. (i'm not all the time, i just like to play...).

If She doesn't get some rest, then She won't have the energy to use me the way She wants to. Fortunately it's the last week of the Tour de France. After Saturday, no more waking up at 5 a.m. to watch who wins "king of the Mountain." Truth be told, i always wanted to participate in this phenomenon, but She has watched the Tour for years, and i bug Her with questions about how they get the points, why so & so won and somebody else didn't. She explains enough, but my boy brain understands FOOTBALL and basketball, and definately baseball, where it's much easier to see why somebody won.

Also She's had to work overtime, so even with mornings where the tour started at 6 a.m. She's had to be up at 5 a.m. anyway...i wish there were something i could do, but i can't command Her to go to bed...and She hasn't been doing the napping thing in the evenings like She used to. I think its the by-product of being sick over the last week, when She had that really bad cold...too much rest.

Oh well, we'll see what happens tomorrow night. No matter what kind of a night it is, anniversary or no anniversary, it's still time in a dungeon where we get to play, and i can watch all sorts of other fun Scenes!

Not much else to write. Fingers hurt pretty bad, so i'm gonna call it quits, and it's almost time to go pick up Master, and both of us have errands to run tonight...

check out the html daze page for an update on website hell!

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07.23.03

Master is off on an "errand", and i am so curious, but i know not to pry (well, i'm learning!).

I met with music guy yesterday, and i am really really stoked. The music for the poems is coming out so well. Master listened to them last night, and she enjoyed "Validate Me." I am trying not to brim over with excitement, but getting this music done is an unrealized long-term dream. I am so very thankful for music guy, and for the smart thinking Master i serve! There are some changes and some notes for the work that's already done. But nothing extensive or complex.

Thats it for today, the hands are really bad due to exzema, and typing is a chore, so i'll try to write more tomorrow.

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07.22.03

It's time for a new week here in boy land...actually this current is going to run long, it's a long month. When i set up the weeks for July, i had already started the process, and since i moved things over from blogger, it got pretty messy. For August, hopefully the weeks will be in some sort of sane order.

Last night was a lot of fun. Master decided to use the boy, and cause me a bit of pain. We are going to the Dungeon Friday night, in celebration of the Collaring of boy, so i need to work up to taking more pain then i am used to right now.

With my head space, and her being sick, we haven't had a lot of activity in the Sadomasochistic arena, and now it needs to increase so that i don't break down like i did last time. I don't know what Master has planned, but i know it's going to be intense, and in front of some very dear friends...Looking forward to it as well!!!

I'm still all goofy happy from the cutting. What an incredible release, what an incredible experience. I was talking to a friend yesterday and s/he was like "How can you have someone else cut Master's initials into you?" I explained that i viewed C as an extension of Master's wishes. It's as simple as that. And the cutting is still very red, and very pretty.

I probably have a punishment coming because i let said friend take a picture of the cutting with his little camera telephone. Master said last night we should have had him take a picture of it, and i fessed up that i did. I ought to have told Master right away...but i didn't. And i am Her property. If there is documentation of me, it is at Her discretion (not used to that yet, but i'm getting there). But that is how much we think alike. I don't know what she has in mind to punish me...but it'll be something.

Anyway, just wanted to get a new entry up for this next week... peace!

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