Went to the salon, and a really nice hispanic woman cut my hair. She thought it was way too short. She did a good job though. The top isn't quite shaped but hopefully next time we'll get that. I want to run some kind of a stripe down it when it grows out again, but that's just because i'm weird.

It took awhile after i got back from the salon for it to sink in, just how short this cut is. But i'm happy, it feels really really good, no, it feels fantastic, and it's one of those, "why didn't i ever do this before" things. And it's not a group mentality thing, all my friends do it so i'm going to too...i am not a lemming. I did it because i could, because i wanted to, and the time is right. Ok, two weeks after Equinox is just a little off, but it is done.

I had a friend, who cut her hair every year at Equinox, she would cut it short, too. This friend was murdered back in 1996 (or there abouts), and it took me a long time to get over her death, and the way she died.
She channeled me after her death, placed so many things inside me. I don't know how to explain it, but i could feel it. I felt her at the wake, looking at all the people through me. I channeled the creative energy, and the spiritual force that she was.
And then i dishonored this gift by spending over two years attempting to destroy myself with alcohol, and not working on the creative stuff the way i needed to. i was working on projects, doing spoken word. But not putting my work together in a cohesive fashion.
When i moved back up here to Phoenix, and came together with Master, i started getting back in touch with that artistic, creative passion that i have always carried, and the gifts that were passed on to me. And i mean really working on the poetry, the books, and now, the video. This website, all the factors that make up the work i do.

As i was sitting in that chair today, with the clippers buzzing my head, and vibrating my head, i thought of Amy, and how every year she would cut her hair, and how in a way, this was honoring her memory, and finally letting go of the rest of the crap built up inside me that blocks my creative side...letting go of the fear of not being good enough.

Now i need to make money at this creativity. If i keep pushing, it will come. I have to get over being lazy, and get over thinking people will tell me no. I need a job in a creative field, but my skills are rusty and my technological know-how outdated...still, i am going to keep trying, and find that place where i can be happy.
I've got this spiffy new hair cut...we'll see what happens next!