The night i met M. Blair for the second time i was also featured Poet at the Willow House. So Master went off to pick Her up, as i committed acts of catharsis by reading poetry. i haven't held a stage for any length of time since last year at a fundraiser, so it was a good feeling to be able to read that much poetry at once. By the time Master came to retrieve me, the crowd had thinned out, and it was me and three other poets doing rounds. M. Blair got to watch me, and hear me. it was a good ice-breaker. Some friends were at the café, so She got to meet them, and i got invited to another boy's birthday party. i told him he had to ask Master if i could attend, since i had the commitment of chauffeuring M. Blair that weekend, and there was a time conflict.

Friday, we all got up, and i made breakfast, and we sat around talking for a couple hours. Then took Her off to the Space, and Master and i went shopping, had ice cream at TCBY's, and a stop at one of the new Natural Food stores. We came home, crashed, and then got up, watched t.v., ate some dinner, and went to retrieve our Guest.

Saturday: Had to take M. Blair to the space early, and then a big cooking day for me. Strawberry waffles for Master, beans on the stove for refries, chocolate chip cookies for share food that night. There was the sensation that i would be encountering something big that night.

We got to the Dungeon, and well, not allowed to say who or what, but got to watch M. Blair pierce a friend. Up close and personal like. There were other scenes going on that were getting me worked up. Master wasn't as anxious to start playing as i was. i wanted this experience. We were going to do Punching with Lead Lined gloves...OMG!!!!

So finally they took me to the suspension bars. Master, when She is in a sadistic mood gets this genuine Smile on Her face, and has an evil pleasure aura. Another friend we play with likes to laugh when causing pain. Apparently this is a trait of some Sadists (not one of mine, but i'm learning i guess). M. Blair put the gloves on while i watched, cuffed up to the bar. Master had other implements of torture at Her disposal. (Double-team the boy!)

There was no warm up. The blows started coming, and coming. Chest, arms, chest, hurt the chest, and She dropped down to the thighs, more blows, those didn't hurt so bad. Some on the dick...sheesh, i called it relentless. Master was behind, with the evil nasty white stingy thing...slapping my ass and thighs. i got wiggly though, making it hard for Her to work my backside. They gave me a break, to catch my breath, and let my brain catch up to the pain. And then more, and then more. And then another break. Then M. Blair moved to the backside...working shoulders, ass, and arms. Punching...what an incredible experience. And back to the front for a few more blows.

But then something inside me gave. i felt like a wuss, that i should be able to take more. i wasn't going to cry though...i got angry, and i was cussing at Her, and they had a bandana as a gag in my mouth, still, i got mad, and made faces, and She made faces back at me. And they talked to me, talked back, and encouraged that anger.

There's a part of me that gets like "Why are you letting them do this? Why did you consent to this...we don't want to be hurt. This is Wrong!" That's the protection part of my brain. i have to have this internal dialogue...i asked for it. Hell, i'll beg for this. So here we are locked up, and getting beat on...it feels good! i'm a masochist, i want the pain, i want the release!

And it was a release. There came that point where i was ready to drop. Both of them noticed. i was supported, and taken down, to the floor. i was facing where people were watching, and needed to turn. This is where it gets private for me. My reactions. Catharsis. Whatever was punched out of me, needed to come out. M. Blair sat with one hand on my back and another on my front, right where the solar plexus is. And made me breathe. They both made me breathe. That pissed me off too. But it was a necessary part of the process and recovery from such intensity. Master was there comforting me as well. Sometimes, after a particularly hard scene, i don't want comfort, i want to go off in a corner and lick my wounds by myself, but this time, i wanted Her, the reality of Her Force to help me calm down.

We sat there for what felt like a really long time. And finally i was able to move. They let me go have a smoke, and then it was time to go. i think we wore M. Blair out.

There was an interesting effect: With two Sadistic Tops using me, i felt like a conduit between them, feeding the energy back and forth. They had a communication going, and i was the implement for that energy. There have been other times that Master and another person were using me, but i felt the energy differently. This was intense life force flowing through me between them. Very empowering, and unique in it's transference. i don't think my words can do it justice.
i was able to drive us home...i take a beating and keep on....arrgh too cliché.

The next morning i was not able to get up and drive M. Blair, but Master did. i took a hot bath in Epsom salts and ginger. The bruising on my chest was deep, and over the next few days got even deeper. Black, blue, purple dots. Now it is down to lighter blues, and green with yellow.

When i look at it, i don't feel like i was such a wuss. And both of them said i wasn't a wuss. i was a strong boy, and i didn't disappoint them by dropping. During the bath, i processed the scene a bit more emotionally. i still can't identify what came out from the cathartic reaction, i can only say that it was a needed release. And the Scene caused a necessary reaction, and possibly opened up some places in me that needed opening. This is why i push myself, why when i get to the point of saying stop, i didn't mean it, i don't want you hurting me, i can overcome that protective aspect, and move to the deeper more primal levels, the place where the pain is just the reality. The pain did not become pleasure, i did not transfer the endorphins into pleasure, nor did i go numb. i felt the pain. i felt the energy between the two of them, and i wanted to feel this. it's a way of being real.

Other people talk about flying when they experience intense pain, and i know i've written about this before; it is not flying for me, it is about grounding. The REALiTY of the pain validates my existence. Their comfort and assurance afterwards validates the experience of the pain. They wanted to inflict this, and they still love me afterwards. i take it, and i still love them afterwards. it is a mutually shared experience where we all come out feeling like we've gained something.

Now maybe the Sadist part doesn't process it that way, the Sadist just wants to make it Hurt. But the Master honors the experience and the transference of energy, and assures the masochist/slave/property that they are still valued, and honored for being such a conduit.

This is the sum of the experience of the Punching Scene.

There is more about the weekend, but i'll write about that later.