I've been working on how to approach this topic. I reported a few weeks back that i was hired by a local stage hand company. I have a little experience, and know how to use tools. I know how expensive equipment is, and i have respect for the "Industry." My first gig was a break down of a Baptist Conference. My second gig? Last night: Van Halen-the World Tour.
OHMYGOD!!!!!
OHMYGOD!!!!!
OHMYGOD!!!!!
OHMYGOD!!!!!
Ok, that's out of my system now.
Master got to hear for two weeks..."It's Van Halen! With Sammy Hagar!" I've had moments where i was doing the happy dance inside. And i wasn't really telling people i had the gig. I wanted to save that for later.
Then i got the cooking shifts at the Civic Plaza. Put some money in our pockets, and it gives Master an opportunity to catch up on the bills. I've been bugging them for more shifts for next week, but then my other company booked me into two more shows, back to back. Gloria Estafan (OMG!), and Alan Jackson (country, oh well). Truth is the cooking shifts pay me more money...but the stage hand work gives me opportunity to learn, and get hands on with equipment, and eventually will get me some camera jockey gigs.
Follow your dreams.
At fifteen and sixteen, i wanted to be a rock n roll star. Next to that, i thought being a roadie would be really cool. I could never get the nerve up to go after those kinds of jobs. when i was a kid. It was 1978-79, it wasn't exactly the kind of work women did. We were supposed to be the groupies drooling all over the rock stars.
As i progressed through my twenties, and went through college, i passed up several opportunities to do what i wanted to do. I passed on the L.A. Film Union's offer to move me out there and go to work in the film industry. There were a couple of other chances i could have taken, but again, i could not get myself together enough to go after the jobs. The booze, the drugs, and the primary partner i was with at the time, came first. In order to follow my dreams, i would have to give up sex and drugs. It didn't matter that the relationships were unhealthy, and well the fact that i was alcoholic got in the way of my ability to perform to the job's specifications. I could not commit to early mornings and late nights, and handling expensive equipment.
Today is different. Today, i am with a partner, a Master who encourages me to follow my dreams. Who knows that i don't fit into a 9-5 work scheme. Who likes the fact that i am working jobs where i can take time off without it damaging my "credibility." Sure, i'm not getting benefits, and during the summer there's no work, but i am doing what i love to do. I am clean and sober, and can be trusted with expensive equipment, and handle tools without shaking. It makes a huge difference.
I am incredibly grateful that i have the opportunity to finally pursue experiences i have always wanted. And i am slightly perplexed at people in the world. I looked around at the crew i was working with, watching and observing. I am finding those in the company that have been around a while, and have positions like spotlight, and who are also key camera jockeys on other gigs. I am learning from them, and talking with them. I also worked with a guy yesterday who said it was his last day. He always gets hurt on the job, been with the company seven years, and never got anywhere. While working with him it became clear as to why. The way he handled equipment was not exactly safe. I just did the best i could while teamed with him. He said he was going to go to work for Circle K. The pay was better, and the job easier. I'm laughing...obviously this guy has never stocked a cooler, reset shelves, or been shot at in the middle of the night while cleaning gas pumps. Good luck buddy, been there done that, would rather be a stage hand, thank you very much!
Some of the other crew members did not seem to be the happiest people in the world. They weren't smiling, and when i would smile at them, i got dirty looks. Ok. sheesh...get a clue people! If you don't like what your doing, go find something else, and make room for those of us who want this kind of job!
Master and i talk about this alot. Part of what rattles me sometimes is going out shopping. Say we've been nesting all weekend, and i have to run out to the grocery store, i literally get scared, and it shocks me; all the negativity people carry around and project. And it affects me, and i forget to make a bubble around myself when i go out. And the same thing is there, even when i'm working in rock n roll...
So i just put my nose to the grindstone, did what was asked of me, kept asking what else i could do, and tried to do to the best of my ability. I'm still learning. I'm sure after the first couple of months, i'll be more proficient. This is the kind of stuff that comes easy to me.
Now comes the good part!
The day is split up...we go in for Load in--that's when you unload the trucks, and then set the lights, sound and stage. Then when the show is over--Load out, we break it all down. That's usually around 10-10:30 p.m. So last night, i return to the arena. I got there a bit early, and they let us in. I get to hang out backstage, just a few feet from the stage where Van Halen is playing. It's loud, really loud. I'm talking with a couple friends. And i could just feel the energy. Say what you want, that these guys might be burnt out, or whatever...sure...there's still that presence. That Superstar energy pulsating all around.
We get the call to go to the dock. I was working lights (setting them up) so they let me work the break down for lights. V-girl and i get picked by one of VH's Head roadies (the guy i worked with during the day), to break lights off the stage as soon as the show is over. We are standing behind and to the left of the stage, where Sammy and Eddie are playing and singing. WOW! OMG! V-girl said to me "Don't wet yourself now!" Naw.. i've met celebrities before. If i didn't wet myself being 10 feet from Whoopie Goldberg on location during the filming of "Boys on the Side", i'm not going to wet myself over Van Halen.
But there i am, i'm looking out at the crowd, it's full, the arena is packed. All these people screaming and cheering and clapping. I could see the people who could see us. Now i used to go to concerts and be jealous of the roadies. I wanted to be those guys. Now, i'm one of those guys. I'm one of those guys that someone in the audience wants to be. We had our instructions, and as soon as the house lights came on and the pit was clear, we rolled in our cases, jumped the stage, and busted lights down. This dude was still standing there, and offered me $20 if i could find him a Van Halen guitar pick. I could have used the money, trust me, however, I did not have the time to go running around the stage looking for a guitar pick.
We weren't quite fast enough for our Lead...but we got the lights down. The rest of the break down was the same, very fast. Get the lighting truss apart, and get it on the trucks, and get them out of there.
Done, and done. I was home by 2 a.m.
No, i did not get to meet the band. No, i did not get any autographs to sell on eBay. No, i didn't even get to sit through a sound check (drat and darn!). But i did get a VH World Tour Crew t-shirt. I got to hang out with cool people, learn some new things, and work with some pretty nice guys (the VH road crew).
And, i'm following a dream.
That's what it's about.
I'm sore, i'm tired, but it is a good sore, and a good tired. And Master knows that i am a very, very happy boy right now. I don't know where this job might lead, it might lead no where, it might open some other doors for me. All i know is that v-girl mentioned the job, she told me to get my ass down there and apply. And for once, i did not let my fears get the best of me. And now...and now...wow! Rock n roll, country, pop...who knows what else! And it's just like when i'm cooking, i may be tired, and sore, and maybe a little cranky because other things didn't get done...but, i have the satisfaction of knowing that i am doing what i love to do. I am putting to use rusty and unused skills, skills that got me into the entertainment industry in the first place. And the more i work, the more i learn, the better i get, the more use i am to the company, the better chances of getting better gigs. (How many betters was in that sentance?)
I should mention that i am one of those people who are very skeptical of believing your dreams can come true. It seems like the poetry stuff is taking a long time to come to fruition. I am self-publishing, i've made it easy to order my books. And yet...i still have no orders...I've spent years with regrets, and turned down opportunities. I've made my own disbelief. As i pursue the creative and technical aspects of my life, there is a really good chance of dreams coming true. I have to put aside the skeptism, and accept the Universe's way of opening doors for me. I will work on belief, and faith, and trust and all that is good. And i know that i have a Master who also works on this. We are finding our way together, to build a life of dreams, based in reality. It is exciting, and rewarding. And i really wish i could transmit the incredible and wonderful feelings i've been experiencing all day to all those unhappy people out in the world. Life is really a beautiful and precious gift. And i no longer wish to waste mine on mindless pursuits. It is about positive experiences, and making dreams goals, and goals reality!
