It was really hard to let the other boy down like that. We had to tell him. He had his heart set on being able to move in with us, and out of his situation. I feel bad for having built up his hopes and then dashing them. Especially with everything else he's been through. Hopefully this just means a better house will come to us sometime soon. And one that will fit another boy!

I was off work yesterday. Got that tummy achy almost flu thing. I left work early on Tuesday, and spent all day yesterday on the couch. The good thing is that i got to catch up on shows that i had taped through the season, but hadn't watched. Got through Joan of Arcadia, and half of Star Trek: Enterprise. I still have Andromeda to watch, although i've almost given up on it. And there's some Fox Sunday Nights left for me to watch. I have given up on Malcolm In the Middle. I really like the show, but i think i've moved beyond it.

i'm not doing as much television as i used to. It's mainly because it's the holiday season. I don't like all the commercial crap, and if it's not taped, i can't fast forward through the annoying "ho-ho Merry X-mas" jingles. What annoys me the most is the message that if you don't buy all these presents for your family and loved ones, you won't receive any love. EEGADS! Who came up with that concept. So typically, this time of year, i ignore the tube, and focus on other things. Usually Master is watching some sort of movie when i get home on the weekends. So i nap on the floor, and then we either go out to shop, or i make dinner, or come in here and get on the puter. When She's ready to watch a movie or a taped show, she lets me know. That way i get to avoid the commercialism that bombards this time of year. And the t.v. doesn't get an object thrown into it.

I'm not sure if i'm ready for the new year to roll around, just another week and a half, then it's 2005. This was a long year, and i should be ready for it to be over, but it seems like we need more time. It's a perceptual thing anyway, and time is just a construct used by humans to structure their lives. So, when December 31st rolls around, i'll be watching the ball drop, and millions of people celebrating another year gone, and a new one coming into being. Here we go again...!

For the last six months, Master and i have been talking about how we need to move into a house. We went looking last weekend, and found one. The perfect one. All tile floors, beautiful kitchen, formal dining room, three bedroom 2 bath, plus an addition in the back that could serve as room for a boarder, or whatever we wanted. It also has it's own bath. There is a laundry room, a huge living room, and cable. It has air conditioning and a swamp cooler, and a solar panel. All the rooms have ceiling fans. The back addition has it's own separate heating and cooling unit (includes laundry room and bedroom/bath). It has a walled backyard, mature fruit trees, and uses irrigation for watering. There are other plants on the property as well. It has a barbeque pit in the backyard, a patio, and a ceiling fan/light on the patio!

It is trememdous. It is not within realistic financial reach. We have decided to rent it anyway.

There's a boy we know who needs his own space to live in. His situation is not ideal. It means he would have to get a job. But he is willing to contribute to the household with chores, etc...and go out and find a job. boy c is a wonderful person. He is in PboL with me, and His Daddy is a very good friend. Daddy N thought it was an excellent idea to propose to him that he come live with us. The boy said yes.

I am still reeling with the possibilities. I am unsure of where my excitement levels are. I just know that this is the right house for us. After months of searching, and with our lease up in January, it is the perfect time to move. We putting blind faith in the Universe that this will work out, it will be good for all parties involved, and we will be able to meet the rent and utilities every month. It means i have to work harder on selling my poetry and art, but it will also give me space to create, and get the projects going that i need to finish. Having another boy to help out will alleviate some of the stress i have over not being able to balance chores with work schedule. boy c was over tonight while i was at work, and helped us out. He is such a good boy! The kitchen is clean...YAY!

This is going to mean a lot of work in a short period of time, and approaching a relative that i haven't spoken to since after my mother passed away for financial assistance. But if i am having blind faith in the Universe that this is going to work, there ought to be no fear in speaking to my Aunt, and saying "This is what i need, could you please help?"

After we visited the house the first time, i plucked an orange from one of the front trees, and placed it on my altar in the bedroom. And everything is working out, so far. There aren't roadblocks, side turns, or u-turns. We can have our pets, the roommate, and tile floors. I am so excited.

This is what happens when one has a balanced, structured life, and commits to bettering one's self. The Universe opens up and expands, and says, "Here it is, take it." And i can contemplate putting out that much money a month in rent to have quality of life.

There is probably a way, down the road to actually purchase the property as well, if we like the house that much. And that thought actually scares me a bit. Responsible Adult behavior...owning a home. I so want to own a home. This just might be the one!

On to work news...

been putting in lots of overtime this week, and probably next week as well. I'm really tired because Master and i have been up every night past 11 p.m. talking about the house. I haven't hit the grumpy stage yet, but i am very exhausted. Monday is my day off, and i hope to really get some rest that day. I'll be able to relax a bit after the New Year, but i'll still have to push for over time because of this new commitment we are going to take on.

Say Yay! for the boy.

(Now would be a good time to hit that paypal button and help support slave boy's website).

Need to go spend time with Master, and roll out tortillas...what a fun-filled chore day.

Hopefully i'll have the new slave affirmation posted tomorrow morning or the next, with a bit written about the last one. Keep checking back!

This is my only day off, and these are the goals of the day. They were not set by Master, but by this slave. It's a lot to do in one day when what i really need is rest. It's only 10:15 a.m. and i've already made some headway. Some of the laundry is in, the living room clutter is almost gone, the iguana is bathed and fed, the closet is a little neater and i already feel better for accomplishing all of this in 2.5 hours.

No rest for slave boy. Where is that house servant that we really need??? Any takers? (they would also need a part time job). And we aren't kidding about that. I really need some help around here. Master has not been motivated enough lately to help.

At least i'm not feeling stressed about it, i'm feeling motivated to get it all done! Mind you i still have a bunch of videotapes to log with this season's shows. I've given up on a few shows, and taping just the essentials. (even gave up on Fox Sunday night, but i do that once in awhile). That project feels overwhelming.

This boy will accomplish all of this, and still have a little play time!

It is hard to be in service at an event, and still enjoy the event. I think we both managed nicely. Even though i got out late from work on Fri. i still managed to get to the hotel in time to help Master set up, and then we went to the Opening Ceremonies. slave robert asked Master if i could be a flag-bearer for the state of Colorado. We had NO participants from there (hint hint wink wink!) Hopefully next year some of you will come down from the cold and join us. So i spent a good deal of time waiting outside with the other flag bearers until we presented.

The feedback to Master was that i looked great on stage...i was still so worried that She did not have my help during the day, and that i was standing around waiting to perform a duty while She was inside, unattended, again! Once i got to my seat, we both could sit back and relax.

After the Opening Ceremonies we had parties to host, then we went home to sleep, then up at 5 a.m. again. We had to stop at another store, and pick up supplies. Down to the hotel to set up for the judges breakfast. Back to the Hospitality suite...went to a workshop, went out for lunch, tried to pick up cakes, and then i attended slave robert's workshop on Leather Shamanics. I was a bit late and just as i sat down to relax, he was playing the dijeridoo(sp?) and asked me to get up. He used it on me, and vibrated all the tense energy out of me. This after receiving an impromptu massage from a slave girl whose name eludes me at this point.

Then out to pick up cakes, back to the room, got sent out to the store again. We had two parties that night to host...they went well...then we opened the room to hang out with some women that we had met over the weekend. Vi Johnson, Catherine Gross, Ann Marie Forte, and a few other dignataries were there. We were hoping for a bit of a play party but everybody was too pooped. We finally wound down, and Master and i got home at like 2:30 a.m.

Back up at 6:00 a.m. on Sunday. We had the MAsT coffee at 9:00 a.m. to get ready for, and one more run to the store. Mind you, the coffee pot took over an hour to make coffee! So we needed to be there before 8:00 a.m. to start that.

The benefit of hosting the parties and the Hospitality room was that we were able to connect with people whom we might not otherwise meet, we also got to know some people better, and we met new friends.

SWLC ends the event with what is called an energy pull. Life Suspended comes in and pierces folks with flesh hooks. They are then connected together with strings and connecters. Last year i did not attend. This year, even with all the work we had left to do (clean up), Master allowed me to attend. I was not doing the pull itself, however, i needed the drumming and dancing.

Master and i just returned from mad shopping for the SWLC. She is in charge of the hospitality suite this weekend, and we were out buying all the goods for that purpose. I am a double tired boy! But it's fun being able to help Master make purchases that keep us well under budget.

I am looking forward to the weekend. I found out i am off all weekend, so i will be available to help Master any way i can. And attend workshops and the contests, etc...this is a good thing. I work for a very cool chef, seeing as this is one of our busiest weekends.

My brain has been stumbling for the last few days. i had a headache most of today, and don't really know why. Woke up with one, it calmed down, but kicked in half way through work. Did not make me a happy boy.

Master is striving for better use of language on Her new Live Journal. I feel like i haven't been expressing myself very well on this journal as far as the use of better language (word choice and grammer structure). Hopefully as time goes on, i'll be able to spend more time exercising the intelligent use of words, instead of short hand boy-speak.

Although, now my readers have probably gotten used to it. Might scare y'all if i came up with fancy expressions. Some people seem to like the simplicity, and the way i write from my gut and my heart. I am just trying to express myself in the best way possible, and publish it for all of you to see.

Good news! Master and i were able to have some intimate time last night, finally! It's been a while, and She used Her little canes on my breasts and buttocks. So not only did we have great sex, but i got a bit of pain out of it as well. I know we are building up to some sort of big "scene." I just want to make sure i'm ready for it mentally and physically. Her sadistic side hasn't been fed in a long time. It's way overdue.

Again with all the life changes, and schedule rearrangements, it's been very hard to even think about processing pain, let alone taking the time to make sure everything is set right. Been keeping the bedroom clean (cleanest room in the house), but it's not getting used that much for heavy interactions. Hopefully Master will make the time. This weekend will recharge Her, and we can interact as Sadist and Masochist.

Being in a twenty-four seven Master/slave relationship is different than being in a 24/7 S/M relationship. I don't walk around black and blue all the time. I'm usually thinking about what to make for dinner, and what didn't i get done on the "To do" list. Master tells me that i've had good slave focus, yet i had another bout of "i'm not a good slave." I'm just a boy with an attitude. She tells me that i'm doing good when i catch myself phrasing something wrong, and correct it. Or when i kneel to present Her with a requested item. I have been good about getting up consistantly on time, getting some household stuff accomplished, and getting Her breakfast and lunch ready, and getting out the door in time to punch in on time at work. That is a requirement, that i am not late for work.

OhMYGod! I've been getting up before 6 a.m. every day for a month now, in order to get to work and do my job. This has got to be a first in this boy's History. Again, Master is good for me. And there isn't even resistance about (except on my only day off). I actually want to be up and about half an hour before the time i'm getting up right now...i need about 2 more hours in the day to accomplish all the things required of me.

It's a busy life, but one i am enjoying. No injured ankle or icky hands, although the foot hasn't healed up yet. No more deaths in the family or traumatic events to stop me in my tracks. There is forward motion in my life right now. The positive energy flow that i've finally managed to tap into. The kind that says i've released the negativity of the past, and can move in the direction of my dreams and goals.

Now, if i can carve out some time for the poetry, i'll be really, really happy.