I was incredibly frustrated with beauracracy (more hoops to keep foodstamps, being told wrong information, and having to make up for it), and Talent agencies that want me to pay them $350.00 for headshots. I've got two, count them, two photographers who can get me headshots. All i want is work as a background artist in movies. Not a professional portfolio.

So there was a need to bang on some dough. Making bread would have been better, but we needed tortillas, not bread. d was pretty much done with stuff that i didn't have to supervise closely, so i had her come into the kitchen and help me with the tortillas. Ok, this is an incredibly huge deal for me. I've only taught one other person how to make tortillas, and let another one watch me make tortillas. I've barely gotten to know her, and i'm allowing her to cook them. We had a great time, and i felt incredibly relieved after kneading and shaping and rolling out dough. It has been a year since i've made yummy goodness tortillas, so this was a huge deal for me.

We finished other tasks that needed my attention, and then it was time to go get Master. There was some finishing up, and then making dinner. We all sat down to eat, and talked about how this is working for her. There are issues, but i believe that we can move through them with a little patience and understanding.

Tuesday was my morning with v-girl. We went hiking up at Camelback Mountain. A place called Echo Canyon.

The rest of the morning was spent working on entering receipts for household budget stuff. Then time to pick Master up for lunch. Then i worked on job stuff, made like 8 phone calls, talked to three live people and the rest was leaving messages. v-girl kept insisting that i needed to get my application into a company that does over-hire for stage hands and more. I kept thinking about it, talked to Master about it, and put it on my list of things to check out. Then i napped. A long nap. Master got us digital cable almost two weeks ago, and they show many of the Pro Women's basketball games. So i woke up around 4:30 to watch some of the game. Then picked Master up from work, came home, and had a nice dinner, and relaxation with Her.

Today was very busy. I've been getting up on time more and more. Master wants me out of bed at 6:30 a.m. and awake and alert at 7:00 a.m. It has been a constant struggle. I am starting to overcome my inability to rise early. Part of it is due to the hiking, some of it is due to diet change, and taking vitamins, and some of it has to do with a geniune desire to please Her. (something i've been working on...i want to please Her, but resistance outweighed desire the last several months).

So i got up, took Her to work, came home, did some email, messed around with the a/v equipment, was supposed to go over to v-girl's house, but Wed. i had found out that i need to put in ten applications between today and tomorrow...TEN!!!!! gotta love those hoops. So i went to grocery stores and picked up applications to fill out and turn in tomorrow. Master's lunch schedule has changed so i had to pick Her up at noon, not 12:30. But i got a very nice surprise today!

I was in a conversation with d, when i got home from morning errands. There was a package note on the door. I went to the office to retrieve the package. Came home, opened it. It was gift wrapped. So i figured, i'd wait until Master came home to open it. It was from someone who is a regular reader of this journal, and i wanted Master to be there when i opened the first item i recieved since putting up the Amazon.com wish list.

I wrapped up the conversation with d, and went to pick up Master. We had discussed the possibility of my going to apply at Rhino-the stage-hand and more company. v-girl was insisting that they would hire me. They were holding an orientation at 3:00 p.m.

With Master home, i opened the package. And there was the book that i have wanted since last fall. The book that i wanted for my birthday, yet going to the ocean was more important. The book that will help the me focus on my Art, and help remove the negative blocks i have surrounding the concept of being successful as an Artist.The book is called "The Artist's Way." by Julie Cameron. I was so terribly happy. I cannot express my thanks enough to M. Passion for sending this gift. It is appropriate at this time for very spiritual reasons.

I took Master back to work, and then went down to Tempe, and talked to the guys at Rhino. I'm hired and have a gig next weekend. I go in Tues. to talk about other kinds of work i can get through them. I am a competant camera operator, and on the application in the areas of interest, they list camera ops . I can also cable, and if need be hang lights (not fond of it but can do it). I was able to get into the orientation today along with v-girl and boyfriend. And I really clicked with the guys at the company.

No, i'm not going to get a lot of work right away, but if i apply myself, and go to some of the houses they run and volunteer time, i can learn and get more gigs. They are a "teaching" company, and i like that attitude. I find it entirely twisted that in Tucson, i could not get hired in the film and video industry. That's what i have my degree in. And i went to work as a cook, and became a chef. Now, after four years in Phoenix, and unable to get hired as a cook in an area that has probably 200 restaurants, i can walk into a company and get hired as a stage hand, and camera op, and start putting my college degree to work.

This is why it is important that i received this book at this time. I've wanted to get into stage hand work, and back in the field of my choice, and i didn't know where to start. v-girl comes into my life, and practically insists that i look into this job. Yes i love cooking, and i like doing it for a living, but i also love working in the Entertainment industry, running cameras, setting stages. It may seem like grunt work, but there is a level of creativity to it that i thrive on. I was a volunteer stage hand for a small theatre in Tucson for a couple of years, and i was a member of Public Access for almost 14 years, and ran camera, and was Technical Director, sound person, and editor on many, many projects. And i have field experience. Getting back into that kind of creativity, and making contacts in this industry, is going to help my creative side blossom.

I don't want to be over-zealous and say, YAY! This is the thing. It is still over-hire, and a temp agency, just like the Temp agency for the food industry that i am employed with. But between the two of them, if i can get one or two shifts a week, that will put money in our pockets, and help us keep the cell phone, and the digital cable. And i will feel like i am contributing more to the household financially, "doing my part".

Things happen for a reason. I firmly believe that v-girl and d came into our lives at this time for a reason. I feel that something is about to break for me, and Master and i both need to be ready for it. Master gave me permission to seek employment, and wouldn't it be great that that employment entailed using my college degree? Her response was that i love to cook...yes i do but it's my second love, theatre, television and film have always been my first love. Besides, i'm Master's personal Chef. I'd rather cook for Her, and not other people. Or do private parties instead of a daily job thing.

In any case, loads of stuff happening, lots of change in the works, and we'll see how it progresses. Right now, i'm taking it step by step, and exercising caution in all areas. And i am looking to Master for guidence and direction in how to stay structured while i feel the world is spinning underneath me.

Yesterday we went down to South Mountain. I had a bad experience in South Mountain as a teenager, so going in to hike there was also a healing experience for me. I did not realize that this mountain range has terrain akin to some areas of Tucson that i love to go hiking in. I came home feeling grounded, and centered. I was pretty quiet and introspective most of the day.

Now that i've lost ten more pounds, the hiking will help tighten up loose muscle, and burn body fat. This is a good thing. Master is supportive of this activity. It gets me up early, and maybe will help me to get up in the mornings with Her; which is something i'm still having trouble with. We go out at like 6 a.m. due to the fact that in the afternoon it's 105-110 degrees here in the desert. Going out at that time of day, we are able to watch beautiful sunrises.

Because of the Holiday weekend, yesterday was really crowded. The parking lot was full. But we managed to find a parking spot. v-girl did not expect so many people. I did. After living here for as many years as i have, i know that most people who don't go out on a regular basis, will get out on weekends. Still, we didn't see that many people, although there were a lot of mountain bikers passing us on the main trail.

I am very happy to be hiking again, and on a regular basis. I haven't been out and about in so long. I was starting to go out by myself last fall, which is when i slipped and fell, and tore the ligament in my ankle. Having a buddy is a good thing!

On the other side of things: We have negotiated with our new part-time service person. It seems to be going well. She is coming over tomorrow to go over more rules and protocol. This has happened fairly quickly, but the timing couldn't be better. I keep thinking of all the things i'll be able to get done without feeling guilty. Both Master and i have been frozen to inaction because it all seems so overwhelming. We know there are things we need to be doing but neither of us seem able to get motivated enough to accomplish just several simple goals. Now that my health is better, there are many projects around the house i need to tackle. And being freed up from chores will help me focus on completing those projects. Of course, there will be the time involved in training, and supervising the new servant, but she comes with a good level of skills (not yet tested).

We are looking at a 30-day trial agreement. If that goes well, then the agreement will be extended. Master and i discussed the possible confusion of emotional involvement. We both want to be careful about emotional entanglement. It's not that we are planning to be "cold" to her, however, we are both looking at this as a service agreement, and an adjunct to the household, not someone we will become romantically involved with right away.

There are other factors about her, being so new to the lifestyle. There will be training with the S/M side of things. Learning limits, what she likes and doesn't like, and how it will work for Master and i to be co-topping someone else.

I'm looking at this as a learning and growing experience for us as well. Master has not tested the poly aspect of our relationship yet. I am developing a friendship with v-girl and her boyfriend that will take up some of my time. I can see Master developing a relationship with our servant as well. I keep checking in with myself about issues of jealousy or envy. So far so good. I don't want to end up feeling "less than" or threatened. Master has worked very hard on helping me feel secure in my position as Alpha boy, and enforcing that i am valued property, not to be abused or mistreated. This, i think will translate well into the new configuration of the Household.

We'll see how it goes.

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