The job tonight is for the Baptist convention. Isn't that fun! No worries. I just go in, do my job, keep my head down. Don't need to get into any debates with the christians.

On to other news. The part-time house servant decided that she did not want to be in service to us. We had a little talk on Tues. night. And i've been thinking, our brand of D/s, or M/s, isn't for everyone. People who are new and have yet to learn what submission and surrender really are, will have a hard time grasping what we ask of the person who comes in to serve us. I was very angry on Monday, and i got through it, and when we talked, i let her know that i was very angry. It doesn't mean i think she's a bad person. It just wasn't right for her. And my anger is just that...MY anger, about letting myself get too emotionally invested in a situation that was tenous at best. And i attempted to remain clear about just that.

So now, it's done. And Master and i move on, and continue our search for that third person who will fit into our household. It's not easy to find that perfect fit. And in the mean time, it's back to house chores for me. Balancing the art, the chores, and the job search hoops that go on for another two weeks. At least i'm getting work, and i need to find out the exact requirements about hours that i put in working vs. hours i need to search for jobs. The case manager i have doesn't explain things well, and i have to listen closely to what she says, and ask specific and exact questions to get the right answers.

I'm hoping for no more hoops pretty soon...and more work, and selling art!

I question stability, and the ability to make a commitment. After much conversation with Master, and the fact that i am more emotionally balanced, i know that this is not our fault. We did nothing wrong. That may be the issue. We've done everything we could to help someone else on their journey.

I can only pass on my experience and knowledge. I am not responsible for other people's actions. I am on a Spiritual Journey that is leading me into new arenas and places i've always wanted to go. I cannot let other people and their actions or decisions deter me from this Journey. I walk in both worlds, as shamans consider it. I balance light and dark, peace and chaos, negative/positive, male-female. I am a contradiction and a union at the same time.

I am whole.

Master does not make me whole. Other alliances do not make me whole. A job or career does not make me whole. My connection with the Universe, and All There Is, the creativity as divine, my feeling of accomplishments while walking on this path, make me whole.

I did not look for, and find a Master to fix me or heal me. I was already awake and ready for the challenge when She and i came together. Many people feel that this lifestyle will fix them. That finding just the right Master will complete them. Even in the vanilla lifestyle, a relationship cannot fix us. We bring all of our baggage and our past with us into a relationship. I attempt to convey these concepts to those i encounter who are just starting out on this journey. And for the third time in two years, i have found resistance to a philosphy that took me many years to learn. And one that i hold sacred.

Maybe someday it will sink in. Serving a household for one week is not even a blink in the eye of the Universe. And yes, i am angry, and a bit stumped as to why this decision was made. Master and i will move on. At some point the right person will appear in our lives. Someone who will accept what we have to offer with dignity and grace, and the ability to become that special third that we are looking for.

Until then, the Journey continues. I continue to look for a job, i bond with other people in our community at deep and significant levels. And i am honored that these people consider me "friend." I have immense respect for those who are teaching us. And i look forward every month to the MasT meeting. And the exceptional surprises in them.

Yesterday's meeting opened up places in me that had been stagnant too long. Moved blocks that i did not remember i had, and brought clarity. Some of that clarity was ripped from me this morning. But underneath the superficial and obvious, lay a deeper, more lasting clarity. There are paths to pursue that have presented themselves. I am looking forward to exploring these opportunities, and sharing them with Master.

Life, for me, is about connection, communication, and honesty. It is about living in one's truth, and constantly seeking improvement in one's life. Master helps me to find these levels in myself, by allowing me to explore the vastness of the human experience.

I am honored to serve.