07.23.04
4:30 p.m.

It's funny how when you put the right energy out there, good things happen. The job interview i had today went really, really well. I'm not going to say any more, because i've noticed that anytime i post something about getting a job here, i don't get called back. Call me superstitious. It's silly really. Just need loads of good luck about it. And i've got more work through the temp agency next week, at a good rate of pay. Four days at least 8 hour days. And that check comes in the next week!!! So i get two checks in the same week...YAY! for the boy.

At least i didn't sit around whining about the situation. I'm actually trying to do something about it, and so is Master. It's the "when it rains, it pours" concept. And i checked to make sure the shifts don't conflict with the other job when i get it.

Happy boy doin' the happy dance, hoping that the Universe is abundant enough to help provide for our needs.

And what does any of this have to do with slavery? When Master was attempting to cajole me into a better mood earlier this week, She reminded me that She is the one who made the decision to not push for my being employed. If She had, i might have had a job sooner. But the way things are in this town...who knows. Also, there for a couple months, with the condition of my hands, i couldn't really go talk to chefs, and shake people's hands...it was pretty ugly. But now they are almost all healed up, and i can go confidently into the business world to become employed.

So it is Her responsibility that we are in the state we are in. Her responsibility. I still have a bit of a hard time about that one. I'm learning to accept it little by little. I was always the one responsible when i got into financial distress. Not used to having someone else accept the burden. There was one relationship that i had where it was all my fault, even though while i was working, i was paying off HER bills, and attempting to correct the financial situation. When i became unemployed, it was MY fault that we had no money and that her bills weren't getting paid. Skewed view.

So i have to work on accepting Master's responsibility. Even though i surrendered to Her, even though i have turned over a good portion of my life, and accept Her as the Authority in my life, i still have to work on some of the issues that come with that surrender. Like not getting blamed for things...still not used to that one.

And this is good for me. It alleviates me of guilt for not being more "productive", and not contributing to the household. I contribute so much, and i cook, and clean and do the things She asks of me, when i am in a compliant mood. Finding a job is serving Her by accomplishing that which She has instructed me to do. (We are overlooking the DES hoops right now).

So there you have it. This is about Serving Master, and accomplishing a task. When i write about these other things that seem removed from the path of Slavery, understand that they are not. It is all part and parcel of serving Master, and Her wishes and Her needs.

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07.23.04
11 a.m.

i've put off writing all week. It hasn't been an easy week. I had issues with D.E.S, and found some things out. I'm seriously considering reporting this "Jobs" Program to one of the local news channels. Nothing is consistent, and the case managers don't seem to be able to give the answers i need.

I got home Monday, and found myself with a headache and stomachache. It lasted through Tuesday. But Tuesday i shuffled through a whole bunch of TV tapes that we had recorded and got them logged for Master's benefit. We have some stuff taped that we want to watch. I also did about three hours on household receipts. I'm still a month and a half behind, but getting caught up slowly.

Wednesday i was able to get out and put in a bunch of job applications. I was on my way home, to do fax and email job stuff...and about two miles from home; i hear this sound like something is stuck under the car wheel. I knew it couldn't be good. It went kind of like "thawkity thawkity clunk clunk thawkity thawk." And at the stoplight, i had a hard time getting the car to go. I was glad of two things, 1) that i was so close to the apartment, and 2) that i had decided not to take the freeway home. Sometimes the freeway is a little more convenient because i can go faster, and don't have to stop at all those annoying lights.

I got the car home, and looked underneath. Yup, there it was, parts of a shredded belt. I went upstairs to change; i wasn't going to crawl around the car in my job-hunting clothes. Of course i called Master at work to report the not so great news that we would need to shell out non-existent $$ on the vehicle. Fortunately i found a really great mobile mechanic, back when the car first started having problems. He is reasonable, and fast, and i like him. I went down to look at the rest of the damage. From the top, there it was, an absolutely shredded belt. Now this car has one belt that drives several systems. I knew that there was no way i could get to it and fix it without a jack and a break-over bar (go look it up).

So the mechanic didn't get here till Thursday. i spent the day cleaning, emailing and faxing resumes. I also spent time getting stuff ready to sell on eBay. Unfortunately i cannot create a sellers account until they decide that my bank routing number is the right #. I've been in communication with them this week about this little problem. When i called the bank, i found out i'm not the only person with this problem. It's a good thing to not be so unique. I'm still waiting. As soon as i can get this eBay seller's thing going, i'll post the link on this website.

I actually managed to land a job interview for today. That's at 3 p.m. That means i've met the required 10 applications a week that i have to put out. If i get this job, that madness can stop, and i can focus my energies elsewhere. Job hunting is not an easy task, when there are only so many restaurants that i can apply to in this area. But i keep grinding away.

I'm working very hard on not slipping into the "OHMYGOD WE'RE BROKE" mentality. Master and i had a really nice talk the other night about not falling into traps. Not falling into negative mentalities that will keep us stuck. Sometimes it's really hard for me, because i've been in this position before, much of my adult life has been about struggling for finances. And i was beginning to think, wow, i've finally broken the curse, the bad mojo that has been affecting my finances the last 12 or 14 years. And here we are, at that point again where i feel like my bad mojo has rubbed off on Master.

I don't want this to rub off on Master. The goal is to break whatever it is that affects my ability to make and hold onto money. It's about the thought process and the energy we put out there. She's been reading books on how to change your thinking, and how to help with the Abundance Principle...i'm still slightly jaded in this department. I've done this before. The meditating, the clearing, the "get your energy focused on art", and the ability to propagate funds...and i still have trouble. I've had the ability to pull out of bad financial problems, and get just what i need when i need it. But it has never been big Abundance. Just enough to pull me through.

I have always managed to sleep indoors, with working plumbing, i've had food to eat, and the basics. It's never been terribly destitute. Until the time came when i had to move from Tucson back to Phoenix. And that was totally my fault. And at least i had a place to go. Even though it was back to my folk’s house, at least i had the roof over my head, food, and working plumbing.

So there is a way out of this. I just need to figure out what i might be doing that gets in the way of the good mojo. The positive energy flow; The Abundance of the Universe that i know is available. And i am trying to release the jaded and cranky thoughts that i have a habit of carrying around. Ok, so i was jaded about love, and then Master came into my life. I was sure i was destined to grow old and lonely, because i couldn't keep a relationship. Maybe, with that all gone, it's time to focus on this other issue, and see what happens.

Here's hoping.

And in the spirit of moving into a positive financal base; i have signed up with paypal. If you look to the left column, i have removed video entries (just for now, until i can get a new entry that i'm happy with), and have replaced it with a paypal button. If you feel so compelled to contribute to the cause of positive financial flow, please use paypal. It will help continue this website, and help slave boy to pay for his artistic efforts.

Also, if you feel so compelled, check out the new DieCast Poetry Productions Website and order some of my poetry. I have added paypal buttons there as well.

Contribute to the cause of art and artists!

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