This has followed me home. I want to do nothing with my little time off. There are daily chores, and tasks Master assigns. When i can't even get up in the morning to get Her breakfast, how can i accomplish anything else?

I just read Master's entry for today. She wrote exactly what i have been processing in my head, and, as a slave, attempting to overcome.

*How can i be expected to keep up all this work, knowing that Master is not accomplishing the objectives She has set for Herself. The daily chores i do are supposed to free up Her time in order to accomplish personal goals.*

It's about setting the example, which hasn't been happening. And then i read that She is worried about this. Yes, there has been an erosion in the M/s dynamic; up to the point where i've come close to asking for a change. I cannot risk resentment building up in this relationship. And that is where we are headed if something doesn't give. We both hope that the new job, which starts this weekend, will help change some aspects. The reality is i will still be on dinner shifts. I will still be working 40+ hours a week. However, I will be doing something i love, and not in a dirty kitchen cleaning up after slobs. Will Master be able to shift Her mental state in order to help pick up the slack?

It is encouraging to know that She has been thinking along the same lines. I don't know what to do at this point except MAKE AN EFFORT to change how i've been thinking. That has been to focus on the tasks at hand. Follow orders. Keep the house as peaceful as possible, and add as little chaos as possible.

I still feel i'm fighting an uphill battle. When i clean the kitchen, and come home and find trash and dishes laying around. When i clean the living room, and come home and find piles of papers in the middle of the floor. When stuff isn't moved from the computer desk so i can put Her puter where it belongs. I guess i have expectations of Master, and they aren't being met. But i don't feel that i can go to Her and say, "Could you please???" Without having it be an emotional event due to Her current state of being.

Communicating through these journals is one way to stave off the emotional tidal wave. If we can see what the other is thinking through words, then we can come back and address the issue with less emotion involved. We can attempt to have a constructive conversation that involves solutions, not more problems.

There's the added stress of a sick grandfather and the family's expectation that She'll go back to Kansas for Thanksgiving. I won't be able to go due to the new job. People really don't get what i do for a living. It involves working holidays, weekends, and nights. And without longevity on the job, i can't just ask for four days off to go see people i barely know.

We'll see what happens. My part is to do what She requires, without resistance. Work to the best of my ability at Fry's for four more days, and then go to the new job, and do the best i can there, while maintaining the slave heart i serve with.

Wish me luck.