04.19.05
10:15 p.m.

Master's father was in town for the last three days, staying with us. I had already visited OZ (Kansas) twice, so we had met. It went really well, and he seemed to enjoy spending time with his daughter.

He paid me a very high compliment. He thanked me for whatever i've been doing for his daughter. She seems happy and alive. In the past Master was very depressed. Without going into details about the obvious kinky life we lead, i accepted his compliment. We had several talks. It is always amazing to me when i find open and accepting families who love their kids no matter who and what they are. My folks loved me, but with conditions, and never reached an acceptance level of my lifestyle.

Prior to Dad being here, we had done our taxes. Yesterday and today i spent time getting the household books organized, filed and more stuff input into Quicken. We spent yesterday looking for, and buying a new bed. One that we can hopefully put into the RV. It is a really nice bed.

Life has been pleasant with Master home. I thought i'd be more grumpy with not having boy time, but i'm not. I really enjoy spending time with Master, and realize now just how little of it we had together.

Today i finally got another haircut...short, very short, and spikey. I finally found a place that keeps their stylists, and ones who do what i ask without scaring them. I'm glad its short again, i don't have to keep hiding under a hat.

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04.09.05
7:15 a.m.

Master is at LLC 9 this weekend running the hospitality suite. I have to work, so will miss all the workshops. I was able to spend yesterday afternoon/evening at the event saying hello to friends, and meeting new people. I was feeling very anti-social after being ill with some tummy related sickness and taking a day off from work. Feeling better, just not wanting to hob-nob. By the end of it Master seemed to have to drag me away from our friends. Sean-Michael is in town from LA, and might come over for dinner tonight. We'll see how it goes, we might go out to eat as well, although that is usually stressful for me.

Master left early this morning, and i've had a bit of time to myself. It's been ages since i've had a morning to myself. It feels good. Nice and quiet. I should get up earlier tomorrow so i can enjoy this.

I've been having problems getting into the slave-mode. I feel like i'm fighting it. I don't understand. I want to serve Master, it is in my heart, however, my actions are not that of service. I need to work through this and gain balance. The day to day routine is evening out, with Her home all the time. I know it is not a "Forever" thing, She will eventually go back to work, but it is a pleasant adjustment.

I only want Her to be happy. I hope She can find employment where She feels useful and productive. Her last job wasn't gratifying for her personally. And i know how that can feel. I like my job, i really like my job. And i love what i do for a living, no matter how complicated it can seem sometimes. It's still just food, and it's still just making stuff.

I only hope She can find Her Passion.

Passion is important in what you do. If you spend 2/3 of your time at your job, you should feel good about it. So many people are miserable at what they do, and i don't understand that. "Work is what you do, you have to do it." Well, yeah, but do something you enjoy. Our society is about making a buck no matter how we get it. We get away from how we as human beings ought to find ourselves, and our way, and be happy and passionate and feel good about ourselves.

That's how i see it any way.

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04.02.05
7:20 p.m.

I wrote an entry the other day, and the disk i thought i burned to save the file is blank. This is what i get for not verifying data prior to complete wipes of my hard drive.

Techno-geeky stuff, and the entry i had written was about all the emotional/mental slave dealing with Master while Master is going through a variety of changes.

The latest update is that Master was laid off from Her job. The day that happened was the day i was actually feeling frisky again. Ready to turn all the responsibility i was feeling back over to Her. And then i find out, i'm the one bringing home a paycheck. My salary doesn't come close to supporting us. The good news is that Master recieved a really nice severance package. So we will be ok financially.

I wanted to let go of all the responsibility. And the news just shot me back into feeling responsible again. I was in shock, for several days, facing a busy weekend at work. I lived through it.

I am letting go of the responsibility, and adjusting to having Master home all the time, and not having the car at work all the time. I have to call for a ride sometimes, and wait! Oh My Gosh! But i'm doing much better then i thought i would without "alone time". Still not acting very slave-like, and a bit grouchy at times, but it is progress, not the perfection thing.

Master gets a few weeks of vacation before She has to put Herself back out on the Market. I really hope She can find a job that will be stimulating, and fun. I like my job, even with it's personnel drawbacks, it's still a darn good job, and i am very, very spoiled. Master needs to be able to find something like that.

Well, that's the update for the start of this month...more later!

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