07.30.05
9:30 a.m.

Master and I have been working on the M/s dynamic. July 25th marked three years of my surrender to Her. We had a small intimate gathering at the house the weekend before, which turned out really hot. Much happened, and all good things. I'm not going to post the details here to protect those involved. Let's just say this boy got a much deserved activity and it felt really good. Group sex is a good thing and I have missed it.

The guests stayed over, and I made breakfast for everyone. We had pancakes. We all sat at the dinner table, and talked and came down a bit from the night before. It really set off my week!

Monday was the 25th. That night Master brought the chain harness back to me. The one I had surrendered to Her. She gave them to me, and said they were mine again until I decided to surrender again. Many emotions raged through my mind as I kneeled in front of Her, for about 30 seconds. I was afraid, distraught, concerned. Was I not serving Her well enough? And then I realized, this is still about choice. The choice of serving someone in the capacity of slave. And yes it has been difficult, and yes, I haven't been the best slave, or the perfect slave, but I have been HER slave. And though I make mistakes, I have not made major errors, or been outright defiant to the point of punishment.

I follow the few simple guidelines that She gave me, and continue to serve to the best of my ability.

And it is a much deeper surrender this time. Much more of a conscientious choice. One based in shared life experiences, and three years of service. Not out of a desire to be collared to the one I wanted to serve with a fear of possible rejection. I know more now, and I still have a desire to kneel in front of Her, and be accepted as Her slave. Powerful, and humbling at the same time.

Now, about the new job!

The new job is going well. It is hard to settle into new things. The outgoing Chef's last day is Monday, so we've been working around each other for the last week and a half, trying to accomplish things. He's not very communicative, and there is a language barrier. He does what he knows how to do, and I do things differently, so it has been a challenge.

The manager feels better about my abilities, and I think recognizes what I've been having to work with. I try to do the stuff I'm supposed to do, but everytime I turn around, the other guy has been doing it. I haven't really been "tested" yet. I had one day to work by myself, and I did well, so the fear of my ability to perform has been eliminated.

This job has caused a drastic shift in our living patterns. I have to be to work by 5 a.m. I prefer to be there at 4:45 a.m. This means a bedtime of before 8 p.m. if possible. The beauty is that I am out of work by 1:15 or 1:30 p.m. (for now). By the time I get home it is almost 3 p.m. but that still gives me time to nap if I need to so that I can stay awake a bit longer in the evenings.

Master was working a temp job that got her home at 6 p.m., of course She doesn't want to go to bed at 8 p.m. so it has given us little time to be together. The temp job ended Friday, and She has nothing new lined up. So next week will be a little different, until She gets another job. (many prayers our way please for Master finding fulltime employment!)

I didn't want to get a job as a breakfast cook, because I knew I would be on this kind of schedule. However, this job isn't about being just a cook. I'm The Chef. I make decisions, I have some level of authority, I make the food, and serve it at lunch time. It's a beautiful thing. And then I realized the other day...because it is a corporate kitchen there is no alcohol on the premises. And there are no children. Ok, this has got to be my first job in the food industry, ever, where I don't have to deal with kids. Not that I don't like them, it's just different. I'm feeding mainly guys, and working guys at that, who just want to get their food, and sit down for a spell and eat. I like that. Alot.

So, as the job progresses, I'll keep updating.

It was still very hard to leave the country club, and the Chef I worked for, very hard. . I got Chef a card. and when I gave it to him, there was a moment. It passed, but it still affected both of us. Then, had my exit interview, and heard the words "eligible for rehire". What a lovely thing, to hear that, and to hear that some people were sad to see me go. I cried a bit on the way home, but managed to get through it. Change is good, change for the better, change that will stabilize finances, and help me grow as a Chef and as Master's slave.

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