november

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DM's Realm

11.30.05
10:30 a.m.

It is hard to find things to write about while being the care taker for several people. It's also hard to find the time. Master has been using the computer more, and this is my excuse for not posting anything.

I'm not adjusting that well to the cold. And to make it all more complicated, I came down with a whopping case of bronchitiis. I got all the homeopathic medicinal items to help get back to health. Today the cough is better but I've got a sore throat. I'm taking echinacia, drinking pau d' arco tea, taking magnesium for anti-spasmodic medicine in the bronchial area (this really really works!). Taking astragalus for the mucus stuff. And of course, mega doses of vitamin c. I'm juicing carrots and drinking 16 oz of carrot juice a day to get the requisite vitamin A.

Why am I doing all of this? I can't take cough syrup, it has corn syrup in it. Most throat lozenges have some version of dextrose or sucrose, also made of corn. Most modern medicine doesn't work on me, having abused them when I was younger. So I went on line to look up combinations of herbal medicines for healing from bronchitis.

I also don't want to be sick, and I don't want this to last as long as Master's cough lasted between September and October. And the primary rule for this slave is to take care of the property. So I do that by finding the medicines that will help me heal.

Master is going stir crazy. She's getting her energy back and wants to do things, and can't. We go see the doctor tomorrow, and will get a progress report on how everything is healing.

I've been very homesick for all my friends and family back home. Even though I am here with Master, the geography is what I am pining about. No mountains, no cactus. And they have snow here.

When it snowed the other day, I was looking out the window feeling very perplexed. White flurries in the sky and white on the ground. Clouds low in the sky producing the snow. No sun breaking through to shine on my face. Mamasita said how beautiful it was. I'm thinking, "I don't know how to drive in the snow."

But a person can adjust to foreign environments, they do it all the time. Maybe I can adjust to this. As long as Master is here, I am here, and that is Home.

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11.19.05
3:45 p.m.

What I'm doing to amuse myself.

I should be washing dishes. I have to go over to Master's sister's house in about an hour to take care of her. Come back home, feed my charges, and then try for another night's sleep.

I stayed away from care-taking as a profession for a reason. I enjoy feeding people, but daily bodily care, and cleaning up after them can be challenging. I remind myself that I am in the service of a Wonderful Master, who values me, and cares for me in a very deep way.

I want to thank all my friends for all the encouragement. Putting up with phone calls, and my whining. All of them came from the perspective of the M/s dynamic, my "opportunity to serve" as Master's slave. I value this input, I really do. Between all of this I've been able to have boy time. While the two of them rest, sleep and heal, I've been able to cyberscape to places I didn't know existed.

Check these blogs out. I'm going to write for permission for permanent links. I only try to link those people I think really have something to say. There are a few more blogs I'm still looking for. As soon as I have said permission, I'll go ahead and add them to that section "Other links of interest."

In the meantime, read some fun stuff...

Wil Wheaton; Check him out, not only ex-Star Trek NG, but also total geekhead, found his site through Margeret Cho's blog, which has some cool stuff. Both these guys are activists and advocates of rights and freedom of the press. Wil has a new book out, and Margeret has new stuff out. I put it on my wish list.
Then, for your amusement, Kevin Smith, the creator of Jay and Silent Bob, speaks out. Then there's the new movie AeonFlux, coming out soon...please check out this site. It's not fully functional yet, but it has some cool interactive comics.

All these through yahoo.com...gotta love this cyber life sometimes. What little time I can spare there.

Spending time on the internet is a distraction from worry at this point. Worry about Master healing, Her mom's physical problems, Her sister's health, our state of finances, staying on top of all the work, and my recovery; being able to find local support (getting closer), and generally not pulling a freak-out.

I didn't try to grab a train, plane or car back to Arizona. I didn't run away, faced with these challenges. A friend reminded me to go back and read some of the stuff I've been through. It's been so much stuff. And this too, I can move through.

People have asked what they can do to help, short of moving here. Well, there is a paypal button on this site. You could send us financial support. You can check out my poetry site, and buy some books, that would help. Or, if anyone has a slave available to come help us, that would be a bonus as well. These are real ways to help us.

I am grateful for all the emotional and mental support that has been coming our way. I feel bolstered, and able to get through my day. And I was able to feed Mamasita some food that she actually enjoyed. She wanted more mashed potatos last night. I only made enough for the three of us to have on our plates I'm not a fan of left-overs. They tend to turn into science experiments in the refrigerator.

So that's the current news of slave boy. It's been good having Master home. At least I can touch Her, and feel Her, and care for Her in the way She needs cared for.

And just for the record: Hospital food in Kansas SUCKS!!!

And just because I'm bored:

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11.15.05
9:15 p.m.

I've sent many emails out between yesterday and today, but for the general population, here's the news:

Last night, on the way to go help Her sister, Master misstepped off the front porch and fell. The result was a twisted, dislocated, and badly fractured ankle. She was admitted to the hospital last night after they relocated the ankle and put on a splint. They had to resplint the ankle after taking a second set of x-rays and consulting with the Othorpedic Surgeon. Coincidentally, it was the same surgeon that operated on Her mom a week and a half ago.

Master had emergency surgery this morning around 11 a.m. I hadn't yet gone to the hospital. I was gathering things and waiting til it was closer to the time that someone would be here to watch Mom. This was Master's orders, to make sure someone was here at the house. Mom was not to be left alone. Mom's friend was due to arrive at 11 a.m.

The hospital called me at 9:45 a.m. and said they could do the surgery and was sending Master to pre-op. I had been told that the surgery wasn't going to be until 3:00 or 6:00 p.m. So I was rather surprised, got my things together and hauled it down to the hospital. I was pulling a double freak-out because today was the first day we had snowfall. I have never driven in snow, and have not encountered icy roads for about 15 years.

I made it to the hospital just fine, Master made it through surgery just fine, the Dr. talked to me and Her dad, and told us what he did.

There is a plate with seven screws in the outside bone of the ankle. The lateral ligaments that circle the ankle are torn and damaged. She has a half cast on Her leg, and is not allowed to put any weight on it for at least six to eight weeks.

I have communicated with my support base. I have been talking to people and letting them know I need at least emotional support right now. I have emailed my little heart out. I have talked more on the telephone last night and today then I had in the last year. And I am working on staying sane in what feels like a very chaotic Universe right now.

I think I'm holding it together pretty well for a boy who is out of his element, out of his physical support network, and is feeling overwhelmed with what needs to be done next.

Her dad has been more then supportive, and if her mom were mobile she'd be at the hospital as well.

I am not alone in this. I do not feel alone, I feel supported, loved, buffered and held up by many friends and family. I have been told that 1) I can DO this! that 2) I am a very good boy, and 3) that I am a very strong individual, even when I am "at my worst." (a quote from a friend).

Tonight is restful and quiet. I left the hospital around 8 p.m. Master's dad was there, and I needed to be here to take care of Mom. I've had some dinner, and watched a bit more of "Lord of the Rings:The Return of the king." I'm watching it a little bit at a time because my concentration levels are off a bit. I was able to watch most of the movie the other day, but missed some very key scenes. I know it will make me cry again, even though I know the story backwards, forwards and sideways.

The kitties are kind of freaking out. My alpha girl Xena wants to know where I put Master. Tigger is just sleeping alot. Gabrielle just wants to be petted, but is nervous because I am nervous. I have to feed the iguana tomorrow and take care of him.

And tonight I need to sleep, alot, because tomorrow will be very, very busy.

I am just asking for many prayers of healing and better luck. A swift recovery for both of my in-home patients, and loads of extra energy for myself.

The next few weeks are going to be a challenge. I hope I can meet that challenge with grace and dignity. Put aside selfishness, and carry out the service to the best of my ability. It is all I can ask of myself. As another friend said, I need to allow myself to be "human."

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11.12.05
10:39 a.m.

Haven't yet started travel log, probably won't at this time...too much work to remember.

Transition and culture shock!

• Seeing Afro-Americans doing the jobs I'm used to seeing Hispanics do in Arizona.
• This is a Pontiac Town, I've seen more Grand Am's and GT's then I ever saw in Phoenix.
• No mountains to look at.
• AA meetings are hard to find and they have them in restaurants, that makes me hungry, and I don't have the money to eat out.
• 3 grocery stores to choose from. 2 movie theatres; one shows first releases, the other is the cheapie theatre.
• Anyone know where the gay bar is in Topeka? Missing the boys, the lifestyle, and the brotherhood.

There are many Harley's. Lots of motorcycle riding. It's been in the 70's here during the day, which is really warm in November for Kansas. Keeps people on their bikes. I believe that Master and I brought the good weather with us. Today it is bleak and cloudy though. The sun isn't breaking through yet.First day I've got up and haven't seen full sunshine.

I got to see all the trees "turn". The colors were beautiful. I've never witnessed this process. We get a little of it in Arizona, but not like here where there is row after row of trees and they are all turning. Then the leaves fall. There are leaves everywhere, then the trees are naked and you know winter is coming. It makes me sad when all the trees are naked. People say then when Spring comes and the trees bud and grow fresh leaves you know it will get warm again. But you have to spend all that time in the cold before the trees grow leaves again.

My body isn't happy with the cold. We didn't run the space heater last night and I woke up stiff and sore today. Ok, probably because I've been doing all this plumbing work.

Plumbing Adventures:

Yesterday I ran a motorized snake...and made a major boo-boo. Ran the snake through to the other bathroom pipes where it drilled itself right through the pvc pipe. That was fun. I had to call Master's dad to come over and help. He ran the snake because I thought I was doing it wrong, After a bit of time I checked the other bathroom, and there was the snake and black goo all over the floor. Not a a pretty sight. We then had to push the end of the snake back through the pvc pipe. I had to fix the front bathroom as well as work on the back bathroom. And I haven't finished the job yet.

I've made two trips to Lowe's, three trips to Home Depot, and one trip to True Value. We are calling a plumber Monday. Fixing the kitchen sink drain was easy compared to the bathroom problem.

The job never called me back. I called and left a message for the Chef, and he didn't call me back. So Monday I have to start looking for another job. Master called about Her unemployment, and she'll be getting checks. And we'll get a small check for helping out Her sister. That will help with the finances. We have all these bills due starting like the 3'd of November, and really no way to pay them until one of us gets at least a 30 hour a week job. I couldn't look for a job this week due to the plumbing adventures.

The care-taking is taking alot out of both of us. Master has never had to do this level of personal care before. She hadn't readied Herself for all the problems associated with pain medicine, cumidin, and seeing your Mom go through so much. I've been through it. I knew what was involved. At least this is short term and Mamasita will get better over time and not worse.

Still I am adjusting to this new life. This inability to serve Master the way she likes to be served. The constant interruptions during movies or TV shows. Having to do run errands without each other because one of us has to be here at all times.

I had the wierdest dream last night. Part of it involved Master getting snuggly with someone else, while I was still around, and She showed total lack of concern for my well being. I was angry and hurt, and not understanding why she would do something like that. I don't usually get all jealous, unless I am being shoved aside, and that is what it felt like. My subconscious is definitely trying to work something out about our situation. Even though we aren't as physically close as usual, we are at least showing affection and concern for each other. Can't complain about that.

I know I'm at the point of rambling. I'll write more later, and maybe it will make sense. I just needed to get this out because it has been building up the last few days. Especially the culture shock!

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11.01.05
4:30 p.m

It's been a long two weeks. I know all of you are just waiting with baited breath to read about our road trip to Kansas. That will be forth coming. Since I did all the driving, I wasn't able to keep a travel log. I'll have to back track and remember everything in order to post it here. And it will also be a separate entry from my monthly posting.

We are here in Kansas. Both Master and I went for job stuff today. I had an interview at the Ramada, two suits and the Chef, who is young enough to be my son. They are "impressed with my resume, and just want to hire me. I put down what I wanted as far as salary, and they have to run a background check, which will take several days. Then I am hired and working as a SOUS CHEF!!! What I've been working towards for all these years. Didn't think I had to travel 1400 miles to do it, but since this is an open market for Chefs, I can pretty much write my own ticket...YAY!

Master took her tests and all that for a Temp Agency. Until we know my hours she really can't take any assignments. Mom's surgery was moved to Thursday, it was scheduled for Friday. So we only have two more days. One of us has to be here at all times when she comes home from the hospital. If I'm working 12 hour days, then Master won't be able to work, but if I'm making what I asked for, she won't have to.

So far so good.

When we got here, we had major rearranging to do. The rooms, the kitchen, all of it. There isn't any room for our stuff. It's slowly coming together, and I have a few more days of freedom to finish the kitchen and get my clothes put away. It's been a big job. Both of us are really really worn out already. I so do not want to haul alot of this stuff back to Arizona. It will be more purging, more getting rid of stuff, more alleviating ourselves of clutter. It's been an eye opener to pack, unpack and repack this stuff we've been lugging around. I've asked it before, how as human beings to we collect all this junk?

We went to Lawernce on Sunday to obtain vegatarian products for consumption. We have yet to make the drive to KC. We opened a joint bank account. And I've been to Walmart more times than I care to count...Don't want to give them my money, but they are conveniently located.

I'll write more. Just had to get something up for the new month. It's rather exciting and new and still very, very surreal for me. And yes, I am living in the sticks. But they aren't bad sticks. And Master's mom is a really nice person.

Hope everyone out there is well, and functioning, and not dragging their stuff half way across the country, like we did!

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