10.22.05
1:00 a.m.
It is almost done, almost over. All the packing and moving. Tomorrow we get the truck, load up, and head out to a friend's. Sunday morning, we begin traveling many hundreds of miles to the cold, flatlands called Kansas.
I am pretty happy with all the stuff we did get rid of. Between the yard sale, freecycle, and donations, plus all the throwing away of stuff, we purged and pared down. I gave up things from my childhood, stuffed animals, books, things I've dragged around for over half my life. I gave up things that I've had since early adulthood. Old vcrs, and a video camera that I took to NY that no longer works. Stuffed animals, typewriter that doesn't work. Just crap I've hung onto for sentimental and emotional value. It's gone. As some friends put it, I still have the memories, and I have photographs of much of the stuff. So it's not like I'll miss it. Most of these things lived in boxes, closets, and storage sheds. So getting rid of them is a letting go. A huge letting go of so much of my life.
I feel overwhelmed due to the purging. I've transferred that feeling onto the packing and moving. But it's really not about the packing and moving, it is about the letting go of things. Finally getting rid of junk. Junk I no longer have to haul around. Weights dragging around my neck, reminding me of past times that are gone. Hanging on to the past keeps me from moving forward. I have to live in the right here right now, not yesterday, and not tomorrow. It is a revelation. One I have tried to have through various times in my life. This time I think is going to stick. I even had to say to Master today, "What are we doing right now?" Because she started thinking of all the stuff we had to do at home, when we were out running errands. It did help, I think.
I've closed a chapter of my life. I am ready for new things, exciting things, different life experiences.
Even with all the purging, and getting rid of stuff, we still have much stuff. OH MY GOD! I can't believe how much stuff. My kitchen has almost as many boxes as the video tapes and books. How do we collect so much stuff, and then hang onto it, like if we got rid of it we would die? It boggles my mind.
Master and I knew we had to purge. It was time. This move forced the purge sooner than either of us were willing to commit to. There is a sense of relief of having all that stuff gone. No longer hanging over my head. The stuff that is left are things I can wean out later. Before we get the RV, and start traveling. It is all just stuff, just crap in our lives, cluttering and confusing and distracting us from important things like walking a spiritual path, moving forward, and letting go of that past, and living in the here and now.
I am open to creating a new life, open to change, and whatever is coming next for us. Neither of us see beyond the move, beyond taking care of Mom, and the other family issues that exist. We aren't supposed to see beyond because it will be a surprise, a thrill, and a direction neither of us expected. That is all I can sense.
I just want to get through taking a shower tonight, and sleeping. Tomorrow will be here soon enough, and I can deal with what is left of packing sorting and loading. Friends will be here to help. We don't have to do it alone, and we'll have a nice send off...
I won't be online for a week or two, so no more posts until we are wired in Topeka. Hopefully by next weekend. Of course I could always find a public venue to post to my live journal.
Be patient, I will write more later, wish us luck...and if you are feeling generous, you can hit that paypal button and donate some moving dollars to us.
Thanks for all the support...
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10.17.09
9:30 p.m.
I just finsihed the slide show of Roadie the Iguana. A long promised pictoral of my handsome, scaly creature, who a few weeks ago bit me on the foot. The pictures are before and afters. The befores are when he was just a little thing, the afters, him now, almost 4 foot, with jowels, and a growing aggressive disposition. Now that he's been in isolation for a few weeks, when I bring him out, he is more subdued, and wants to be around me. This is a good thing. He was out for a bit tonight, and went and told off the iguana in the mirror, and then came near me to hang out. It was cool.
Most people try to tell me that they would get rid of a pet who bit them. This is a rescue iguana, missing feet and toes. An iguana that took three years to hand feed. An iguana who finally bonded to me. I got in his way, and it was an accident. I forgive him. Because I know when breeding season is over, he will be back to being Roadie the roaming, curious, non-aggresive iguana.
So check out the slide show. Enjoy the pictures. Remember they are copyrighted by ME! So please, if you want to use them, write me for permission.
More stuff is leaving our house. Photo boy came over tonight and got furniture. Some of it will be in his custody while we are gone, some of it he will purchase at some point. It doesn't matter, I don't have to haul the stuff to Kansas. I trust him to take good care of our living room set. I like his apartment, and know that the couches will look good in there.
Still dragging on the packing. When I'm done with this it is off to the kitchen to begin packing that. I promised I would get it done tonight, and I haven't. It really won't take me that long. I'm fighting resistance. Once my kitchen is packed, I'm really leaving. It's a thing. I've lived with my books, and videos in boxes and crates before, that doesn't bother me. My kitchen is always available. For whenever I get that creative urge to whip something up. (pun intended).
I feel more calm tonight. It rained today, and I have a poem in my head because of it. It is a perfect rhyming poem and I haven't written it down yet. At least I have poetry in my head again. At least I have words knocking around that want to come out. Creativity begins to flow when change abounds. I like the fact that it rained. It is nice to smell the desert after a storm, and to see lightening, and know that all is right with the world at this very moment.
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10.16.05
3:15 p.m.
It is weird to watch other people rummage through MY stuff. What an experience. This is my second yard sale experience. The first one was over before I got home from work. I was saved the pain of separating from my stuff.
At this yard sale, I stayed out most of the day and talked to people, while they went through and bought our stuff for .50 cents, $1.00, or even more. At least I was able to enjoy the company of girl c and Master.
I got some ig time in too. I brought Roadie out of isolation for a little while and let him hang out on my shoulders. It was good for both of us, especially since he has been in isolation for several weeks. I've been wanting to let him out, but I can't have him roaming around and climbing into everything, and tearing up the stuff that we are packing.
It is chaos in here, it is overwhelming and disturbing. I feel very lost and frightened. It is just stuff, and it is just a little trip. How come I feel so insecure? I had a bit of a breakdown a little while ago, I'm over it, for now, but it is still there, that feeling of being frightened.
The yard sale was successful. We made bunches of money (which we needed). And we have stuff out today for people to take for free. Our neighbor took the huge entertainment center. I'm grateful that it is going to a good home.
Now if I can just get over the feeling of immobility. The inability to accomplish anything. I know, logically, that we are. It just seems like nothing is getting done. Every time we chip away at the packing, more stuff appears that needs to be packed.
AARRGGHH...
It will be over soon, and then we'll be in Kansas, and then I can settle for a little while, and then Master and I will figure out our next move after dealing with the F.O.O. issues.
And we will be together, in the place She grew up, and knows really well. People think we are crazy for going to Kansas this time of year. Yes, we are. But this is the time that Her family needs us, so we answer the call. And then there's that whole Universe thing, where the Universe said, "This is what you need to do."
Ok...time to get back to the packing, and the friend's birthday party, and other stuff. I'll write about the boy sleep over later.
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