04.24.06
9:30 p.m.
Purging and more purging. The more I do the less I feel accomplished. I did so much on my day off today. It's 9:30 p.m. and I want to sleep! I have a to-do list to finish tomorrow.
At least:
- The dishes are clean, and Master is fed.
- The garage has been sorted through and organized
- The recycles were taken to the appropriate place
- the bit of patio we have is ready to receive this grill I'm getting
- The living room is cleaned out and stuff put away in Mamasita's closet
- The storage shed has been inventoried
Lots of work for a boy. I have so much more to write about. The artistic stuff is popping up, and I want to start a painting, but I feel that I have to do all this other stuff first, because I'll feel guilty if I don't get it done before "indulging."
Master has finished some art items, and is working diligently on Her artist way path. She made ginger bread today, with fresh ginger, cinnamon and cloves that I had ground previously. It was very yummy! I want to play catch up, and participate in physical art things too! But so much other stuff to be done. She wants me to work on the creative stuff too, not burden this slave with too many chores. And we are both trying to figure out the balance of things.
She still comes home from Her sister's with Her ankle hurting and aching, and all tired from the icky place. I come home from work worn out because of the very interesting, and not good things going on there (no risk to my job, just someone else's). I'm having to pull some weight that I didn't have to before. And it is only going to get busier, which means more work and less time for home, and art, and play.
Today I had that feeling of wanting to just dissappear from all of this, the way we are living. I wanted to run and hide somewhere away from everyone and everything! Then there's that saying "Whereever you go, there you are!"
And the other feeling I had was that this just isn't right, what I am doing right now, how I am living my life. (Not being with Master, that would be silly). But this living here in Topeka, this living with someone else, not having our own space, having to take care of other people. It isn't right, something else should be going on. And I can't figure out what that something else is. What am I supposed to be doing? How can I help alleviate this feeling of wrongness?
This is the part where I trust the Universe. I ask for revelation. And I wait. One time, it took three years to get the answer, and that answer was Master.(seriously)
So what now Universe? I'm asking.
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