january

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DM's Realm

01.24.06
9:45 p.m.

After several months, and several emails, I have landed the job I originally applied for here in KS. I start tomorrow morning, so everyone wish me good luck, and good cooking!

It is a relief to know that I will actually be bringing in some $$, since Master's $$ is going to run out very soon. The plan was for one of us to be working quite a bit before unemployment went away. The Universe didn't see it that way.

At least the job is a Country Club environment. It is a kitchen that needs a little help and TLC. I'll be working with two young and enthusiatic chefs who are looking forward to working with me. I hope I do not dissappoint.

I've been knocking out some good food over the last week. I made some righteous salsa, not the roasted kind, but it still tastes mighty yummy. Today I spent most of the day cooking. Made some hummus, chili sauce, tortillas, and oh, yeah, bread...But...the good news is that the bread was not flat! I got it to rise, and I got it to "spring" in the oven. It is the kind of bread that would win a competition. The loaf was formed perfectly(except for the little dents where my finger "tested" the dough during the rising), and when I cut into it, the risen dough had the quality of texture all good bread should have.

I've made bread a couple of times since we've been out here, but I've had problems with getting it to rise properly and form in the pans. I did something different today that made the bread cooperate. Possibly, the other factor was the humidity was way down to something like 24 percent, instead of 80 gizillion percent. (ok boy exaggeration, but you know humidity is a big factor in bread baking). So I don't know why the bread cooperated, it just did.

And what else did I make...burritos for dinner. And rice...yeah, rice, that's it. That was a big day. Master wanted me to get the bookshelves put up on the bedroom wall, but it didn't get done. I was way tired from cooking. I know that I need to pay closer attention to what Master wants me to do, but I also know that all that food needed to be cooked so that her various cravings for lunch could be addressed whilst I am out cooking for a paycheck.

One balances standing orders to provide quality meals with the want of putting up bookshelves. I think food comes first, especially since I won't be here to throw something together on the fly. Some might say it's not about what I think, however, I don't need to come home to a Master who hasn't eaten lunch because there was no food in the refrigerator. Quality diet is a priority.

Up at 6 a.m. out the door no later then 7:30, clocked in and ready to learn my new kitchen!!!

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01.19.06
10:00 p.m.

It seems like by the time I sit down to write, all the thoughts tumbling around don't want to make sense, and so much has happened that it is too hard to recap for the journal.

Some people who read this journal liked the "rawness" of it, in the beginning. But as I realize how many people are out there reading it, I want it to make more sense, and polish it a bit for those who might just encounter these pages for the first time.

My brain is buzzing. I need the time to formulate thoughts and then write them out logically. With all the care-taking and the cooking that I've been doing, I haven't had time to even sit down with a notebook and hammer out ideas. I tried the other day, it didn't work.

Ok, so how does a slave say to their Master, "I need a half hour of no interruptions because I'm on overload, and don't want to hear my name called again, for a very long time." It seems that when I get into the middle of something, like writing, or reading, or cooking, someone in the house will call me. I don't want them to feel like I'm not available, and that they can't rely on me, however, I'm getting tired of hearing "boy!"

So how do I take time for self? Is there any self in consensual slavery? How do I say I need like two hours of zero interruptions and no demands on me? I said it today, I said can I have half an hour? Please? I was a bit gruff, and discourteous, yet I needed some time. I had an interview today that just totally drained me. Before that we had a doctor's appointment for Master's ankle. I've been getting up between 7:30 and 8 a.m. every morning to take Master's mom over to Her sister's house to take care of the husband because the sister is back in the hospital. So I take out the dogs, and wait an hour while Mamasita makes him breakfast and lunch. There are all sorts of reasons that I don't like doing this, but that is how my day starts out.

Then I come home, make sure Master has some breakfast, and myself, and then either run errands or take some art time or cooking time. (I constructed another Art Poetry Book. This one gets sent back to Phoenix for a friend's mom). I am then at Master's disposal. Tomorrow we have a Physical therapy appointment at 11:30 a.m. I am still trying to get an interview with the Chef at the country club...

Tonight we went to a cafe so that I could do some spoken word. At first I wasn't going to read, and it seemed to be an unpolished group, but they started growing on me, so I read some stuff, and then I read some more stuff, and then they liked me, and we chatted afterwards. No one bought a book, but I tried. I don't know if we'll make to Lawrence tomorrow night, the finances are not good right now. It is so tight, and both of us HAVE to start working by like next week. We really don't have a choice in the matter.

It was good to spew out a little poetry, and to have a responsive audience. I did the standard stuff...nothing earth shattering or gender-breaking. I still have to write that material. I think it's almost time to start writing new stuff. Although I've got the material together to put together my next book "Lessons." That will make four chapbooks that I have, and I really need you all to go to Diecast Poetry and order some books of poetry. I'll sign em and everything. Or, just click that paypal button and donate to this website. If I don't have enough $$ to buy food, then I don't have enough $$ to maintain the web server space that maintains this website. Which means that this journal could dissappear at some point in the very near future...and we wouldn't want that now, would we...

I know, shameless hustling, but it is how we survive. My art is my life and I'd like to make some money at it. I know there's several people out there who would like copies of my books, so order them...what are you waiting for? I fixed the link on this page...just click on it.

Ok...enough of that. I just need to vent, I need to find a way to meet and exceed our needs and making $8.00 per hour just isn't going to get us back to Arizona. I'm going to hustle books at poetry readings and call it my "getting back home" fund. Think they'll buy it?

Ok, so this is not what I thought I would write about, but I'm not going to hit delete. I believe in keeping what I write, and putting it out there, because that is what journaling is all about. If this were a notebook, I wouldn't rip out the pages and burn them...I might x through them or something, but I wouldn't delete the pages. So why would I delete this.

I'm on day 12 of no smoking. It's been pretty rough. Today the cravings were really bad. But I pushed through them. Fortunately the cafe we were at is a no-smoking cafe, so I did not have to suffer the second hand smoke. I had a dream where I sneaked some cigarettes, and actually smoked almost a whole one, that was very disturbing. I have found ways to not give in to the addiction. I don't have to banish it as often, but I still do on certain occasions banish the addiction out loud.

That's what is going on in the brain of the boy for tonight. I feel much better for having written something, anything. And I'm trying to wrack my brain to see if I left anything out...Oh Yeah...

BEST PIE IN THE UNIVERSE

I made apple pie the other day, with whole wheat pastry crust. Master said that it was the best pie in the universe, ever. Including pies She has not eaten yet. I don't know what to say about that...except YAY!

"Team America: World Police"

We've been getting movies from netflix...this movie, by Trey Parker and Matt Stone, the creators of South Park, is absolutely brilliant. Political Satire Musical performed by puppets! The director of Photography? The same guy that DP'd for the "The Matrix" trilogy...and I can't stop thinking about it, and laughing about it, and I have finally witnessed Puppet Sex on the Big Screen! OHMYGOD!!!

01.09.06
8:30 p.m.

So I wrote the above entry, and didn't get it uploaded. Didn't even have Master read it. So much more has been on my mind...geez!!!

It's very odd being in 2006. Even more odd being in Kansas. I still feel very surrealistic about all of this. We went to Lawerence on Friday and had a really nice time. We met up with a new friend and had lunch, yummy greek food. Then we deposited Master in a safe place, and went up and down the main street of this little town. It sort of has the feel of 4th ave in Tucson...it's that College atmosphere thing merged with artistic endeavor and intellect.

I was on a mission, to find poetry nights, some form of open mic, some venue to go spill out my voice and release all this pent up frustration. We finally found one place...called Aimee's. And it will be Jan 20th. I'm going to have to start my calender again...not that my fans can come see me in Topeka, but there might be some M/s types out there that read this journal, that are close by, who want to support their "local" artists.

Master and I went out today, and finally found a place that does poetry night here. It's not too far away, nor is it terribly late, but they only do a one-hour block...once I find out the amount of poets who show up, I might understand the one hour time frame, right now, I don't.

We looked into another venue that is feasible for poetry nights that I could start hosting. Need to generate interest, and need to speak to the owners about having a poetry night. It isn't far away from the local university, and I could probably generate some buzz, and get a listing somewhere. Also, hand out ads, hang them in other venues, find ways to communicate that there will be an open mic poetry night at Lola's cafe.

If we are here for a reason, and that reason is two-fold, bring spirituality into the bdsm community, and to bring poetry to Topeka, then not only does Master have to get busy about coordinating discussions, I have to get off my ass, and host some poetry nights. So there it is, I'm putting it out there, and I'll shoot for doing it starting in February.

I have committed to quitting smoking. I didn't tell anyone except Master, and I haven't put it here yet because I want to succeed. I don't want to dissappoint people by saying, "I'm quitting" and then not quitting, and them getting all sympathetic. I just want to quit. I know how hard it is, I know what it entails, and right now, I'm in day two, going through withdrawal hell! My stomach is churning, my brain feels really really weird, I'm chewing on these tea tree sticks we got for me, and I'm writing. I want to throw things, kick things, hurt people, yell. But I'm not. I've been visualizing my addiction leaving me, seeing myself smoke-free, telling myself that I want to be healthy, I want my breath, and I want to live. And yeah, I smoke less then half a pack a day, but still, that's a lot, and by the way I feel right now, I guess it doesn't matter if you smoke half a pack or two packs a day, the nicotine is in your system, and it is an ugly little drug, let me tell you what!

So I'm doing this thing I came up with this afternoon. When I want to yell or throw things, I look at the floor, point and say "I banish you! addiction. I banish you to the island of addictions! You are a bad, bad addiction, and I don't want you anymore...I banish you! I banish you to the island of addictions!" I say this until the moment passes that I want to hurt people, or run out and buy at least a swisher sweet cigar. I am facing a 30+ year old addiction. It is hard to conquer and vanquish, but if I can kick alcohol, and illegal drugs, I can do this, I can kick nicotine.

So there, it's out there now...everyone knows. We'll see how day three goes. I said to Master at the outset that this is an experiment, that I may fail, but I am going to do my very best to try to quit. She didn't order me to, this is not a new year's resolution. I'm just tired of all the haze around me. I want clarity of vision, I need to be able to SEE. And with the surrounding haze, it's like looking through fog, you can't. Better communication with a Higher Power, the spirits that be, the connection to the Universe...

Yikes!

Wish me luck...

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01.03.06
12:00 p.m.

Here it is the third day of 2006. I haven't updated my website or wished anyone a Happy New Year! I wish that all my friends and family get everything they want this year, and a few surprises!

I think I failed to mention that Master's cast came off last Thursday. She got this cool air booty thing that gives her support and lets her start walking a little. She still has to use crutches, but the important aspect is to work the leg, and the muscles that have been cooped up for six or seven weeks now. The result is she feels a little more confident about getting out and about.

I was invited to a potluck the other day. Master came with me. The person had not yet had a house blessing on their new home. I got to participate. It felt so good to be actively participating in ritual. Since we left Phoenix that hasn't happened for me. I felt very honored that this person felt safe enough to invite me to her home and include me in ritual.

Master has a job interview today, and tomorrow. Neither of us feel much like going, but we are going. Just like neither of us felt like shopping yesterday, but we did. We went to like five different stores to purchase necessary items for Mamasita's household, and our own. Storage tubs are a good thing!

We went to K-Mart, Hobby Lobby (which was huge, like a world market, hobbies, fabrics, crafts and framing all put into one big space...OVERWHELMING!), Best Buy, Office Max, and Walgreens. Oh, a grocery store for cheese and stuff. I didn't look at clocks all afternoon untill I got out of Office Max. It was like 4:30 p.m. I was blown away. I had told myself that time wasn't important. What was important was being out and about with Master, shopping and having a good time. I've missed doing things like that with Her.

We came home, and watched this movie "Bride and Prejudice." An Indian movie that brings together both eastern and western cultures. It combines India culture, British attitudes, with American idealism. And it's a musical. Great flick. We had a lot of fun with it. I still don't think it was quite as good as "The Guru". But we both enjoyed it.

So now I have to go get ready to take Master to this interview across town. Yippee! Everyone, have a safe week.

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