1.30.07
12:15 a.m.
I had my first shift at the new job today, and I didn't seem to have any trouble fitting in. Work is work, prep is prep. The guys seem to get the job done, and know what they are doing. I only hope it stays that way. They do seem to be very close knit, and more like a family then other kitchens I've walked into.
I got the pile of dishes done today before going off to work. Master came down with a wicked cold last week and transmitted it to me. I'm fighting it off with Sinus Tea, fresh made lemonade, vitamin C, and hopefully, lots of rest. I'm up this late because I need to drink a cup, can't breathe when I lay down, not fun at all to be sick when starting a new job.
Since I didn't have to work over the weekend, Master and I were able to go to a play party on Friday night. I received a vicious caning, and am still sporting the bruises. It was a fun party, and I got to see several friends and acquantinces that I hadn't seen in a while. I also was able to attend a MasT meeting with Master on Sunday. Hopefully not my last til summer, but definately a plus, since I missed like two months worth.
We still have to work out how the new schedule is going to affect my wake up time, and making sure Master is fed properly. I have to figure out when I'm going to be able to buy fresh produce. Master still doesn't trust herself to buy quality produce. Sprouts closes too early for me to go shopping after work. I don't buy produce any where else because Sprouts usually has the best, freshest produce around at a decent price. Master takes the car to work, so I can't go in the mornings before work (unless I want to hop a bus!).
Tomorrow I have to make sure I juice the strawberries, can't forget to do that! And the couches are due for a deep cleaning with the vacuum cleaner. Three cats, two of which are long hair can wreack havoc on furniture. I've got some emails to send out to people I met at SWLC, and just general howdy-do's to folks I've ignored for a while. Got one off to my cousin...yay! I'm hoping for an LA trip sometime in the summer. I hear the ocean calling me. And my family. And some Leather family we know.
I'm so stoked that my first day went really well. The chefs all seem to like me, and one of them said very sincerely that they are glad to have me there. I'm not just another body filling space. I was actually hired because I come with skills, and good attitude. And good work ethics.
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01.23.07
1:00 p.m.
SWLC after-effects:
I am honored, and humbled to be a part of the Woof-Woof Leather Tribe (the unofficial tribe name for the Southwest Region). I don't think I have the words to convey the emotions running through me today. It is the first day since last Wed that I have been alone, and able to process the experience of the weekend.
The Art Exhibit went off fabulously. We got the art, got the display panels, got it hung, and people came and looked at it. I attended several workshops, but more importantly, I was able to connect with people I hadn't seen in almost two years. Due to our little excursion in Kansas last year, we missed this event. I didn't realize how much until Sunday afternoon and the realization that the event was over, and that people were leaving, and I was sad.
We had the fortunate circumstance of returning to the hotel yesterday for clean up work, and were there early enough to see some of our family members. Several last hugs goodbye, and it was done. But then we went to Apex last night for the topic night, and got to see some people...again! So it wasn't really over until about 9:30 p.m.
I have emails and phone #'s, and people I have to make an effort to connect with this year. I'm very bad at correspondence, telephones, and keeping up. But this year I'm going to make a commitment to do that. Because how can I say I belong to such a loving, wonderful tribe, and stay isolated?
All my life I have looked to "belong." I have wanted a family to call my own. People who had integrity, respect, spirituality, and kinkiness. I have finally found that. And maybe there is some dysfunctionality that I am unaware of, but it seems to be one of the least dysfunctional groups I have ever belonged to. And I feel that I belong!
There are people in the world, many of them, who would say that what we do is sick, wrong, perverted and unhealthy. That beating on each other, engaging in M/s relationships, and polyamory is sinful and twisted. There are religious and conservative people who look at us and judge us for what they see, not what they know.
There are people out there who say that a ritual of the calibur of "Dance of the Souls" is ungodly, not representative of the one true god. How, if they have never experienced the shared energy, the healing power and the incredible release that people experience in a tribal ritual; can they judge such a beautiful, enriching experience?
I look at society at large, and I see so much misery, so much pain. The lying and cheating that happen in "vanilla" relationships. The unevenness of the Power Exchange between a conservative christian couple. And I wonder how they can judge us for what we do? I see people bringing children into the world that are unwanted, that they cannot clothe or feed, that live on the streets, and I wonder how the society that breeds this can judge what we do. I see homeless people turned out of institutions and unsupported because we have an over-burdened welfare system that cannot take care of its own.
I look at the woof-woof leather tribe. I feel the love and the acknowledgement that we take care of our own. That we help where we can, and give support to those in need. If someone is hurting or in pain, we give them love and care so they don't feel so lost. And sure, there are the ups and downs, losses of relationships, and people who get hurt. But we all stand and support them, and help them get clear of the petty back-biting and misery that I see happen elsewhere.
I don't want to stand in judgement of those who judge me. I've lived on the fringes most of my life. I grew up in an unpopular religion. I discovered kink by choice in adolescence. I learned about polyamory at the same time. I could never embrace the principles of christianity, or have that kind of faith that I saw others exhibit. I believed instead in many different forms of energy. And today I just call it the Universe. I still live on the fringes as a bio-female, gender-fuck, kinky, slave-switch who is collared to a tremendous woman, who actually gets things done! But that fringe-living was exhibited this weekend with 500 other people who are just as kinky and weird as me, and who have a great love for their tribesmen.
So I don't judge you, the christian, the conservative, the right-wing republican participating in an un-holy war. I don't judge you, the atheist, or the AA'er who judges me because I'm not christian, and I'm not heterosexual. I don't judge those who would have me hanged and quartered for my beliefs. All I can do is pray for you, and radiate out the love that I feel, the immense, incredible, powerful love that I absorbed this weekend, and will try to carry with me wherever I go.
Just a note about the Dance of Souls: It is the one time a year that I am able to reveal my full power. It is a safe place to open myself and shine that light that burns within. I was able to unveil, and participate at a higher level this year. And I am grateful to those who make this possible. So many people are saying to me how incredible I was...They can be that incredible too! We all have within us that potential, that light, that energy, that power. And I challenge all of my friends to learn to feel it, get in touch with it and use it for the greater good. And that is why I missed the Dance so much last year. I did not have that release.
Thank you to the Woof-Woof Leather tribe for adding more richness to my life than I thought possible.
And thank you to the Master I serve for allowing me to be a part of it!
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01.09.07
9:30 p.m.
New Adventures for a New Year
So, I got up the guts and submitted an application and my resume to the Arizona Biltmore. I've been wanting to do this for oh, about 100 years, no, really only about 2 years. They called me back on Sat. and I had my interview today.
OMGOMGOMG!!!!!!
If the banquet chef could have he would have hired me on the spot. His Sous Chef liked me too. I have to go through the Pre-Employment Screening process, and then be notified if I am hireable material. After that, it's two days of Orientation (YIPPEE!), and then on to make lots of food for lots of people in one of the nicest properties in Arizona, also one of the biggest.
I sat on the news and didn't tell anyone because I didn't want to curse the process. As I got closer to the time of the interview, the butterflies in my stomach were lurching like drunk butterflies. And afterwards, it was even worse. I couldn't figure that one out...oh, wait a minute, I just succeeded in landing a job in one of Arizona's most prestigious properties.
And the waiting begins. If I don't hear from them by Monday, I'm supposed to call the Chef and let him know. Hopefully it won't come to that.
I am more then excited and slightly overwhelmed. What have I got myself into? Can I handle it? What if the pressure/expectation is too much? YIKES!
This humble slave boy is grateful he has a Master that will let him pursue his passion, food and cooking. This humble slave hopes that ego doesn't work against him. This humble slave might be just a little scared, and confident at the same time.
I know I'm a good chef, I know that I could run circles around some of the kids they hire there. Which is why I'm being hired. I'll also get to teach a bit, impart some knowledge, and at the same time learn new things.
I know I'm a good chef, there's no reason to be scared. I have basic and intermediate skills. I should not have any doubts about my ability to handle this job (crossing fingers behind back). As long as I fit into the kitchen, as long as I do my work, and don't get involved in the drama and trauma, I'll be able to hold my own.
Whew. Now, I'm done holding my breath. I'll pass the bg check, I've got great references. Just have to wait for HR to do their job. And then it's off to work I go.
I still have a job with Fabulous foods, but there hasn't been much work (almost none) since Xmas. I have a gig on Monday, but with the upcoming SWLC, I really can't commit to much more than that.
SWLC--getting excited here! Didn't get to go last year. And this year we are coordinating the Art Exhibit. I'll get to meet new people, and Master will be able to meet some new folks too. I can go to the Dance of Souls, and get all that energy out before beginning my new adventure. It seems to all be falling into place in some beautiful bizarre way, and that there really is some greater force at work here other than just mere human beings exerting their will over what they want. That spiritual base is growing, and it seems to be opening new avenues, and ways of thought and being. And it is helping my service to Master. I can feel that force inside me, greater, stronger, bigger, and better than it has been in the past, and I am in awe of it, the Universe, and the forces that drive our little lives.
Here's a pic of the rock I painted for SM's labyrinth:
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01.05.07
12:30 p.m.
Still the New Year
I'm starting off the New Year with scanning old photographs. A project that I've been working on for a while. Scan the photos, save to a dvd, look at them later, be glad more of the clutter is gone.
I'm looking at some interesting food blogs, not sure where they will take me, but one of them is from the creator of blogger, and one of them has a link to urban peel. Very nice dishes for plating options. I've been lusting after new dishes, but we don't have the $1,000 or dollars to invest what is in my head that I want.
My other project is cleaning, sanding and waterproofing bench. Bench has been in my life for many years and has been used as a 1) coffee table 2)Iguana perch 3)Entertainment Center 4)bookcase. I am overly fond of bench. and he looks very nice just sanded. Tempted to stain it, but we'll stick with the waterproofing so it can live outdoors for a while, and serve as a sitting place while I smoke or whatever.
My other goal is to paint a rock for Sean-Michael's labyrinth. I finally got a picture in my head last night of what I want to paint, so I plan to get to it sometime today.
I need to make some food stuff, rice, beans, hummus. And I might get frisky enough to make tortillas. We'll see.
There are standing rules and protocols that I am supposed to follow. Master has decided that each week we will work on three of those rules. These are the rules posted that I am to work on.
- slave will obtain permission before engaging in any of the following activities when Master is present:
- smoking.
- leaving any room inhabited by Master.
- using the bathroom.
- making excessive noise.
- eating or drinking.
- slave will kneel when asking to enter the bed.
- Unless told otherwise, slave will rise each morning according to the following schedule:
- Workdays: available for use by 7:00 am.
- Weekends: available for use by 8:45 am.
- Any indisposition will be reported as soon as it becomes apparent slave will not be able to meet Master’s morning needs.
These rules are for both of us to follow, Her inforcing, my obedience. Still, I continue to hit resistance, no matter how much I want to obey. I really don't know what to do about it except continue to work through it and be as useful as I can without too much fuss.
Being a "good" slave isn't easy when ego gets involved, and my ego has been extremely active lately. I find it a bit annoying sometimes. I used to like my ego, a lot. And now, we just aren't getting along as well. I want it to go away more than it does, but in many instances, I need it to do some of the things I have to do.
Darn that ego!
So now I've wasted alot of time trying to do something on the puter that seems impossible without a blank cd-r disk. I have a gizillion dvd disks, but not cd. AARRGGHH!!!
I think I'll go paint a rock. If there wasn't the threat of rain I'd waterseal bench.
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01.01.07
10:00 p.m.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It's Jan 1st. And a Happy and blessed New Year to everyone! The month of December garnered one journal entry from me. That's what I get when I'm busy working, and bringing home a bit of $$. I've had over a week off now, and it has been productive. I hit a bit of a manic phase over the weekend, and spent all day yesterday cleaning and organizing the Apartment. I know it didn't make Master terribly happy to have me cleaning all day, but I just couldn't bring in the new year with all that clutter and mess in the living room and bedroom. The goal is to clear out and organize the Art room tomorrow. However, I'm coming down from that manic phase, and it is a bit of a crash. I don't get the severe depression anymore, but it is still a bit of a low, energy-wise.
I spent today cooking some really yummy chili, and baking fantastic chocolate chip cookies. I've been exploring alternative sugars besides the good ol' refined white sugar we're all used to. I switched to evaporative cane juice late last summer, and have now discovered something called
sucanant. It is better than brown sugar, and healthier for you. I was reading a recipe online one day, and they mentioned that charred animal bones are used in the process of refining sugar. Upon further research, I found out that the US doesn't allow animal bones from our country to be used in this process, so sugar refineries have to obtain the bones from outside of the country in order to use them. There are alternatives to this process, and some plants are now ionizing the sugar. Hrumph. Just the process of refining sugar is scary enough for me to have found alternatives.
So today was the first day I used sucanant in the chocolate chip cookies. Since it is a more organic form of sugar than brown sugar (which is really impure, and has a whole bunch of nothing to do with sugar), it has a bit more of a molassas flavor, and makes the cookies better then I've made them before.
Ok, so that's how I've spent my New Year. Master wasn't feeling well today, and spent time watching "Ugly Betty". The Soap opera channel ran all ten episodes. We ate food, and all that good stuff. The Landlords were over for a little while working on stuff, and at some point I'll have a new sink that isn't coated with paint that comes off every time you wash the dishes...(yeah, fun huh?).
We hope to have a productive year, one full of adventure, fun, art, cooking and life. The first event in a few weeks is the Southwest Leather Art Exhibit, once that is over, and I can breathe again, we can look forward to creating the business I have been working on, and Master can focus on Her art. She starts her new job this week, which comes with a nice raise, and benefits. Hopefully it will leave her with creative energy to collage, and make altered books n' stuff.
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