10.22.07
10:00 a.m.
Modified View
Two events happened this weekend that have modified my view and vision of the world. Neither were earth-shattering or ground-breaking, however, I feel different inside. Moved. Motivated. Changed.
The first: d. came up for the weekend. She had missed last weekend due to coordinating a major event in her hometown. After that she said the coolest thing; "I have space in my brain now."
I was working and by the time I got home, she got up from napping, came into the living room and was close with me. The kind of closeness that I call "crawling inside." Her energy and psyche does wonderful things to mine, and provides a balance for this wild artist/chef who is painting again, and working on creating culinary creations at work.
We were able to spend some time together Sat morning, however Master and I needed to take time for the obligatory weekend errands. We did go to a thrift store, and found a piece of framed art for the house, and some other little things. We came home with our bounty, and d. was busy cleaning. I changed and went to work.
That night when I came home, I didn't notice a bit of change with d. I was all about crawling inside Master and getting some attention from Her. We haven't had much time together with my work schedule the last couple of weeks. It's been very busy, and I've been getting home later than usual. Finally I drew my attention over to the girl, and heard a clinking sound. She had been sitting there in handcuffs the whole time, and oblivious as I can be sometimes, I didn't notice.
Master had some of the clippy clampy items out, the little plastic bitey things she likes to use. I figured, cool, we're going to have a little fun tonight. She's a good Master and utilizes instruction with d. since she is still new to all this stuff. Me, I just want to beat on her. Heck with all the explaining of things. So, I went and changed a little, and came back out. We got d. to take off her t-shirt, and Master had her kneel in front of her so she could clip things on her, and explain the process. I was instructed to go get the bench and bring it into the living room. When I was in the bedroom, I had noticed rope on the bed. That brought a big smile to my lips. d. got to sit for a while with the clippy clampy things on her. Master put nipple clamps on me, but they kept falling off (unusual, but breast play hadn't been a part of our play for a while due to extreme soreness in my breasts). She played and tortured the girl for a while, and then took them off. We let her sit for awhile with the experience before proceeding. Of course, I didn't know what Master had planned, and I was impatient boy...(Daddy wants what Daddy wants NOW! not later...got to learn that Daddy is slave daddy, not independent of Master's Authority).
It was indicated that I would be able to bind d. up to the bench. I got the rope out, got a towel to lay on the bench, and had d. get on it face down. I was cautious, and went carefully. Made sure the rope wasn't too tight. I tied up her feet and legs, and made it all look symetrical and pretty. We have some thick black rope that I used around her waist, and managed to slide it up through her crotch and tied it back up onto the rope. That was a fun little toy to play with during the bondage (evil daddy grin).
Now I've been wanting to give pain to this girl since we first got to know her. Master has held me back, for good reason. (Again with the impatience). Apparently She knew something intuitively that I didn't. That it was going to be a different kind of experience for me. And I've mainly played with boys, not girls. And not usually some one who is so very new to the experience. (sometimes I didn't bother to care about that part). The thing is I have an attachment to d. that is incredibly strong, to the point that we've been saying that I'm smitten. (go ahead make the puns now!) This connection, this bond is bringing about the nurturing, caring daddy, not the evil, sadistic bastard. And that was so Sat. night.
I brought out my strap, Master said yes. And I beat on the girl. Master reminded me gently of a certain phrase "warm up." Oh yeah, I almost forgot. So a bit of that, and then a lot of the strap on the ass and thighs. I still don't trust myself with the strap on some one's back. I stayed connected to d. and checked in during the time I was beating her. There was an energy exchange going on between us, and the evil sadistic bastard was surfacing, and for one of the first times, I was able to push it away, and stay in the caring daddy mode. Yeah, I let the girl fly. Master pointed that out later, but for me, I flew with her. I was connected to her submission, and conscious of how the pain was affecting her, how she was going deeper into a place she has indicated she wanted to experience. I was the vehicle to bring that reality to life for her.
Then, I felt the passion rising up in me, and for me beating on some one is very sexual. I like to f**k afterwards, lots of hard, sweaty primal sex. I knew that wasn't going to happen, so even though I was hard and twisted, and knotted up in my libido, I was able to balance the desire with reality, and keep myself in check. Master kept on eye on me, and made sure I stayed within the reasoning realm. I felt the girl reaching a certain limit, and gave her five more very hard strokes, and then stopped.
I got her untied (it wasn't a complicate configuration fortunately), and gently pulled her off the bench, and down into me where we just stayed for what seemed the longest time. Feeling each other, expressing the passion through touching and stroking.
I'm usually a much different top, not much for the after care business. Use em, and throw em in a corner, or f**k em, get off, and make them get dressed and get me food. This wasn't the case. This "Scene" held a big change for me, a transformation that I knew would happen some time in my future. That's why, even with the available potential play partners out there (and there are a few), I needed something like this, this ability to control myself with a person who is so willing, and needing and wanting this form of physical expression.
I'm not allowed to break my toys, and this girl isn't a toy, she's an addition, the one we had been looking for. If there had been doubt or reservation inside me before, this wiped it all out. Laying there with her afterwards, feeling the release in her, the swell and drop of my passion, I knew at such a gut, primal level that this is just the start of a phenonemal process.
I never knew that opening someone up like this could be such a moving and beautiful experience. Sheesh, I just beat on someone isn't that a terrible and bad thing to do? Nope!!! It was refreshing, like getting that breath of fresh air after being down in the water for so long. But d, well, she's just special any way, and that pushes deeper buttons inside me that I knew I had.
Did I even know I had the capacity to not just love Master at the level I do? That there was space for someone else too?
So we all went to bed, she in hers, and us in ours, and Master was sleepy-tired, so there wasn't much of the talking/processing that we do. And she fell asleep, and d. was asleep, and I had such a hard time falling asleep, only because I felt hard and needy, and I wanted to go crawl into bed with d. and was afraid to ask if I could. Instead, I lay there...quandry boy/Daddy, with an unfulfilled desire, yet content, happy and feeling blessed that d. is in our lives, and that I could share the start of this journey with her.
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