02.10.09

My fingers are all covered in paint, and Master now has too many colors to choose from.

We made a little shopping day, and visited local art stores in the area. Surprisingly enough, She found the colored pens that She wanted at Staples. I found the sponge pad for my wet palatte at one of the local art stores. She's been coloring mandelas for the last several weeks, and I've been wanting to paint something new, finish the two paintings I have or just plain get my fingers in paint. And it all happened. We got home with our stuff, had lunch, and then started making art. Art is good food!

My favorite, Master has too many colors to choose from.

I'm trying to get a decent picture of the painting, but I can't in the light I have. I'll try tomorrow, and get it uploaded.

02.09.09

It's been an interesting day. Spent mostly on getting the "free" washer running properly, three trips to the hardware store to get it right. But it's a good thing I cracked open the front.There was an accumalatin of mice feces. EEWWWW. So I got out the handy helper gloves, and went to work. Got the drain hose installed properly, and now the machine is working fine. No leaks, and no cracks.

There is so much I want to write about, but by the time I sit down at the computer, none of it makes sense. My spiritual connection is growing stronger and stronger. My understanding of my relationship to Master is deepening, my connection with my animals is phenomenal, and I've been solidifying friendships.

Work remains a challenge. The co-worker who has been a problem remains a problem. There's not much I can do about her attitude towards me, or her attitude about the way I do my job. I can continue to co-exist with her until my boss can figure something out. He's hiring a bunch of people, maybe he'll be able to give one of them to my restaurant, and send her somewhere else. At least I'm in that position where the Chef feels I'm doing my job, and that the other person is trouble. Yeah, the chef there likes me. And I like him.

I got to the mountain last week. We live less than ten minutes away from pine trees and forests. It was so beautiful. Next time I go up, I'll take a picture, and post it. It made me want to cry. I've always wanted to live somewhere where I had the city, and a mountain. The reason Denver didn't appeal to me was because it was too far away from the forest. Santa Fe is not. The city limit is half way up the mountain! It was refreshing and wonderful, and I sat in silence for a long time. Listening to wind, an occasional bird and a babbling brook. It was good that I went because I had a long week at work, and tried not to show it, but my foot is still hurting, and I want to sleep more. I've got to find a different way to make money!

Which brings me to the art stuff. I know I'm supposed to be creating, painting, working on mixed media. It is what I am supposed to be doing here. I've been putting it off, not painting, not constructing. I have ideas, and a ton of stuff to start with, but I haven't made any headway. Part of it is I am so tired when I get home that I don' want to do anything. We just moved my art area, so it's still kind of messy. Oh, I have to fix washers, and make food, and do all this other mundane stuff first before I can even begin to create. Hog wash. I just need to do it, and stop whining about it! There, I said it, its done.

So that's all the stuff in my head, rolling around, without any kind of direction. I need to concentrate on each area, write about it, and move on. But I wanted to get the basic stuff out of me before it chewed me up any more. Life isn't going to stop because I don't accomplish something. And I really want to accomplish more than I have in the last five years.

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02/02/09

Today was spent reorganizing the back side of the house. We've made all sorts of offers to friends to come and stay with us, knowing that the guest room wasn't even close to receiving guests. The office was a tornado of that just moved in look, though we've been here 5 months. My art stuff was crammed in a dark corner, where I couldn't really use it successfully.

We moved the computer table, pulled out my art table, easel and supplies, I got all the boxes shoved into a storage area, and we opened up the flow of the house. It really is amazing. Work needs to be done on the dining/art area for Master, but that can happen in the next few days. I'm in serious need of outdoors, and live in close driving distance of the Sangre de Cristo Mountains. I have no excuse. The house is a project, the art takes time, organization is a weak point for both of us, but we both absolutely love it! And still there are things needed for nurturing one's spirit. And though I don't have all the necessary equipment, a camping trip needs to be done when it warms up. (I don't quite relish the idea of sleeping outside in a tent in 5 degree weather).

With the house shaping up, I can start creating. I've got something I'm working on that hopefully can become a successful endeavor, which is why I need to get out to the woods. Then, there's the painting of course, which I need to do way more often than I've been doing. And there's the found object sculpture. Stuff I've been dragging around for years I either need to make it into art, or get rid of it. We really have whittled down the possesons, it's time to whittle even more.

I am still in awe of what happened at SWLC, and am still processing the core changes that are happening to me. I am really ready to let go of the day job. Really, really ready. I put it out to the Universe to also help find a way to replace the finances my day job provides. Physically I cannot keep up with the work. I need three to six months to heal up my feet. And I am really tired of dealing with people who don't get it. Who want to yell at me because they are having a bad day. I'm stuck in the middle right now, between upper management and the crew, and it is not a very pleasant place to be. I want to move forward, but the job I took seems to be running out of steam. I was there for a reason, and most likely my time is up. I've worked for places who had hard finances. I really don't want to be there again.

The Universe told us what we were supposed to when we moved to Santa Fe. I've got connected to the School I need to go to. I just need to figure out how to pay for it. I've got the supplies, we have found supportive people, and our friends in other places support us. So its just time to move on to the next thing. And not be scared about it. I've been soul-searching for the last week, and what I hear is what my truth is right now. It may take some time, but that time is going to go fast, and before I know it, I'll be in a place I've longed to be for many years. How does one give up being selfish?

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