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Banging & Clanging in My head
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Here i will be placing my thoughts on creativity. The main part of my journal is about my
bdsm D/s relationship with Master. The creative side of me keeps showing up there. I decided to diversify,
in order to not confuse those people who encounter my journal for the first time.
My Art, My Creativity is sacred to me. I have been writing poetry for 25 years. I did not go to
school for poetry, i did not earn a degree in poetics. Still, I am a poet, and a visual artist.
Someday i hope to make a film. I have made video poetry. I have many drawings from therapy, which
are being incorporated into this website.
I feel that the creative process, and the slave's journey is all part of the same thing, the way i live my life. However, i need a separate journal aspect so that i can come back and look at my progress, instead of wading through mounds of other
entries to find just where i was artistically, on any given day.
It makes sense to me, i hope it does to you too. But hey, this is MY website, and MY process. It is
about the structure i develop that makes sense to me.
So check here regularly if you are missing the creative aspects of my life. I hope to keep this updated
several times a week. I'm not promising every day, but it will be often.
Peace on Your Journey.
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05/22/04
A Healthy Outlook
It's been a long while since i posted anything on this part of the website. I put the website into different parts so that i would have a place to write about the different aspects of my
life. And then i ignore those parts. Silly me!
The Artist's Path
This is a tricky and complicated issue for me. There are things i want to accomplish, and there are things i am already accomplishing that i am not giving myself enough credit
for doing. One of those things is being successful at selling my books.
A friend had lent me the money to print more copies of "Myth" (thank you friend!) But i found it extremely hard to sell them at $12.00 per book. Since my cost for "Crisis" was
considerably less, I made a great decision about how to sell these books. I have an awesome soft briefcase that i pack all my poetic stuff in, and when i go to events, Kink
Lifestyle, and/or Poetry, i have that briefcase with me, filled with copies of my self-published books. And i put them in people's hands, i get them to handle the merchandise, then
i tell them the price. And sometimes, not always, but sometimes, people will buy them!
Both books are now selling! It seems easier to sell "Myth" in conjunction with "Crisis." This is exciting me! Someone stated that it is called Guerilla Marketing. Guess so. In
any case it is working. And even with some out of pocket expenses like coffee, and buying other people's books, i am still ahead of the game...a bit.
I haven't compared printing costs to income, that's my next step...however, as an artist, and hearing over the years that, as a poet, i won't make money until after i'm dead
(and then it wouldn't be ME making the money, it would be my "estate") i was tired of the negative input. I am out to prove this axiom untrue.
There are many successful poets today. We just have to be creative about how we market ourselves. With all the websites out there with poetry on it, and how much people
give their poetry away, i'm excited that i can at least make a little money, on my own, without the benefit of a big publishing house that would eat at my profits. And without giving
it away free on the web. (just in case you were wondering why i don't put my poetry on my website...)
Ok, now i sound like a Ferengi from the Star Trek Universe.
Yes...it IS about the art, the act of creating, the power of the process of combining words. It is also about the act of creating the book. Deciding what poems go in which
books. How they fit together on a page. What kind of artwork to put in. Is it a book of love poems? Broken hearted poems? Political statements? Poetry about sex?
Poetry on Gender bending or the Kinky lifestyle? How does it all fit together.
I've finally formatted the next book, and even came up with a title, and i'm ready to print copies of that book. I just need to work on the front cover some more, and
figure out which photo i'm putting in the back. The more product i have to offer, the more people will buy. Because if i tap out my already limited audience, then i don't
make any more money. So if people like what i am writing, they will want more, and they will buy more, and, i'll make more money. And i have enough poetry to keep
this limited audience happy!
But it's not just about the money, it is about the creative process, and watching people from across the table read my poetry, and say "Wow! I really relate to this."
That touches me in a very deep and sacred place. MY words have the power to move people.
I've known this before. I've seen how people react to what i have to say. And still, it amazes me. That what i create, that the words which stumbled out of me in sometimes
very awkward ways, affects my friends, and semi-strangers.
It keeps me humble. I offer thanks to the Universe for allowing me to have this experience. For giving me the courage to produce the work, and continue the process.
And this came about because today we were at lunch for a friend's surprise birthday party, and i asked someone there if they would like to look at the books. She said sure,
and then asked if i would accept a check! Right then and there...and then with all this discussion of other things going on, she kept that book in her hands, and continued
reading, and nodding, and saying, "oh yeah, i can relate to that."
Wow! Powerful experience. For all those poets out there who aren't creating chapbooks, it's really easy, a lot of fun, and a necessary step in gaining a healthy outlook on life as a poet.
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04/01/04
10:45 p.m.
Today was a very productive day. Actually the last two weeks have been productive. The computer is
running smoothly (well, just about), and I've got stuff loaded in to work on video and audio. The
bells and whistles are functioning, and I can begin to make sense of the volume of work I have compiled.
I finally struck on a title for the chapbook that I was piecing together. It's called "Crisis of
Consciousness." I did all the formatting, layout and book printing myself. I actually made the printing
work for me! This has been a challenge in the past. And I seem to finally understand it, just a little.
I printed out a final draft. Went and got some card stock for the cover, got a decent printing price,
and printed out and folded the books myself (six pages including cover).
The printing guy stapled them for me, and didn't charge me for it.
I now have 15 books, ready to sell...visit www.diecastpoetry.com to find the ordering address. I'm
selling them for $4.00 + 2.00 shipping and handling. For $6.00 you get a really awesome read (while
you're at it, order "Myth of the One" as well).
What happened was I went back to work. I was working temp shifts, which aren't so bad. Then I took on
a job that I thought I would like. It turned out to be something that I didn't want to be doing. It was
physically exhausting, late hours, and not very rewarding. I believe that this job showed me that I
needed to concentrate on my art, and artistic expression, and getting these books put together.
I was working on a concept of a book, that I have since dumped. I've split that concept into two more
books. As soon as I decide on titles, and the order of them, and get them formatted, they will be
available as well. I may just call them volumes II & III, but that's still a whole dialogue in my head
that I haven't finished yet.
I was working out of the "Artist's Way" for a month or two. I feel that this Creative Spurt is a result
of that work I did. And i'm feeling better, and being sick of hearing in my own head that I wasn't going to
write any more poetry until I had all this other stuff compiled.
In the last two weeks, I have gotten my files organized, and put together, originals and copies...the
work I did with the mud people in 1995, all the stuff for "Catharsis." I have this huge volume of work,
and it has been all scattered and disorganized for way too long.
Now, it is almost all organized. I'm making video diaries and posting
them to this journal. Some aren't making it onto the web, mainly due to server space, but I've told myself
for years that I was going to do this, and now I am.
The throes of creativity. But this isn't like other creative spurts where I've gone totally manic. This feels
like it is a methodical, step by step process, wherein I can accomplish goals set well within my reach. Other
times I've had a huge amount of creative energy, but i was unfocused, unsure of where it was supposed to go. My stuff
wasn't organized, and I didn't know where to find it. I was using Master's computer and feeling guilty for
taking up space on Her hard drive. (weird, I know...)
Now, I can relax, plug away at the work, start writing new stuff without worrying about where it will end up,
and work on compiling more of the older stuff.
I discovered that my scanner is a piece of shit. Part of the creative process is to get some of my photographs
scanned and posted to the web. So I have to hold off on that part of the project until I can afford a new scanner.
In order to afford a scanner, I need to make money...so please buy a book, send us a few bucks...(you won't regret it),
so that I can buy a scanner.
Just as well, I have mounds of video footage to compile as well...
It's a step by step process. I've gotten this far with it. The whole entire project is worth the effort.
And I've finally gotten to a place where I feel my words mean something. That I actually have something to say,
that it's not just useless drivel. I'm finding a healthy Artist's ego underneath all the shit that I learned in
the past. I don't feel the need to go searching for external Validation. The art is for the sake of Art, and no
more and no less. I've created it, it must mean something. I keep getting pushed (by the Universe) to put my words
in book form. (it's a relentless universal push too). So I have surrendered, and am letting myself do this. Without
being egotistical, and without questioning "why me".
Why not me?
It is a good place to be at creatively. One I find myself at peace with. And for the moment, a place I will enjoy
for myself.
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