06.26.09
11:00 p.m.
Just in case any one tried it (and maybe you didn't, and now would be the time), the donate paypal button on the side bar now works. Apparently when I tried to reactivate my limited account, I missed a step. If you feel generous, and my website has piqued your interest, it only takes $5.00 a month to keep, and $17.00 a year for the domain. Please donate, if you feel like it.
On to other news. Yes, I am a bit rattled by the deaths of Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson, more with MJ than FF, only because she was sick, and he wasn't (that we know of). I take a few moments to pause and feel the magnitude of two American Icons passing on the same day. Only days before, another icon, Ed McMahon had passed away. I know we all have to move on from this life, but sometimes I wish our Icons would last a bit longer.
The M/s part of my life is alive and well, I know I haven't been the best about following rules, and I'm working on that. We also have a situation with a friend in a custody battle. Not good for her. It has made me look once more at consensual slavery, Master/slave relationships, and the Power exchange dynamic that happens in these relationships. I know that so many people out there have an idea that this is a highly sexualized fantasy life. Let me tell you, most of the time it is not. I have given the power and authority over to the Master I serve, and yes that means my sexuality as well, but that does not mean that every single day, every time I commit some act of service I'm getting sexual gratification. I'm not. That comes when we do have sex. But not when I'm vacuuming, or cleaning the cat box. (eeewww).
What has happened? Our friend has lost custody of her child, she is fighting to win him back. She approached the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, who came back with this statement:
"It is inappropriate for xxxxx to exhibit sexualized behaviors in front of her son."
They are identifying those behaviors as her slave sitting on the floor, calling her ma'am, and sleeping on a futon on the floor instead of in the bed with her.
Some people, by choice, like to sit on the floor. Maybe it was indicated that in this particular relationship sitting on the floor means a lower station. It does, but how is that an overt sexual expression in front of a four year old?
Ma'am is a term of respect. At work I use sir and ma'am to those above my station. Is that sexualizing the work experience for me? How is using an honorific being sexual?
Some couples sleep in separate bedrooms, away from their husband/wife. One would think that sleeping on the floor is indicating a lack of desire for a sexual relationship, not a close intimate relationship.
I have known people in the past who curse in front of their children, whose children sleep in bed with them, who talk of sexual deeds in front of their kids, and they did not lose custody. I've known people who did drugs (mostly marijuana) in front of their kids, and they weren't taken away. And no one else was trying to take them either.
So, what in this situation is blatently wrong or bad that NCSF refuses to take it on. Probably only because they deal mainly with organizations and groups. And while they are willing to fight for our right to do what we want in the bedroom, if we take it to the living room or beyond, it suddenly becomes an issue they don't want to look at.
I've been struggling with how society views consensual slavery for a very long time. I've had heated debates with college mates, and interesting discussions with other folks about it. I dropped it for a long time, and even in my time with the Master I serve it hasn't been a huge issue. We live our lives the way we live it, and usually no one asks questions. We stick with our tribe, hardly stepping out of the safe box that has been built. The issue with our friend has lifted the blinders again, and I find myself thinking about how the rest of the world would see me if they knew I was a "slave." What questions would pop up, what attitudes would I have to fight off in order to even begin an intelligent dialogue about how I choose to live my life. I haven't had to defend my position, I haven't had to say to an "outsider" "yes I'm a slave and proud of it." I have had some comments come across this journal, that I deleted because they were non-intelligent attacks on just the word slave.
If you have questions, ask me. If you want to know details about my life, unless I know you, I'm not giving them out. I've found safety, security, a roof over my head, and stability. I really have no desire to lose what Master and I have built, what She has worked so hard on keeping for us. I have so much respect for Her, I can't express it in words. What She represents in my life is greater than any of the things I listed. I willingly gave myself to Her, and I choose to stay here to see what will happen next.
slave yes, ignorant, no.
|
back to the top
|
06.17.09
8:20 p.m.
I am going to attempt some kind of explanation about how we ended up in Santa Fe, NM. Since I did not log that journey here on slaveboy, I feel I have some catching up to do.
You can find a bit of explanation here. I also have some back log entries I will post when I have a chance. This is a link to my
live journal archive for those transitional months.
I love Santa Fe. There is energy here that is good for both Master and I. Who would have thought that there was any where else I could fall in love with besides my beloved Arizona. If you've been a reader of this journal in the past, you will understand. It took a major spiritual upheavel for this to happen.
We've been here almost a year now. A year at the end of August. It took 6 weeks from decision to actually moving. The job I transferred to has been through so many changes it isn't even worth writing about. It's just been so much. But it is a new resort, a new property, and we are still gaining recognition.
I have painted a bit more. I hope to post them here. I am still working out the kinks in the links on the side bar. That will happen in the next few weeks I think. (I hope).
Master has had a hard time with the time it is taking me to update this website. It is vitally important for me to finish this project so that I can move on, and so that I feel good about writing here, and putting my thoughts, my art, my service, and my soul out there on the big bad web. That's why I started this project in the first place. I wanted to put my voice out there. And I did it at a time when it was risky for me. Now that it's been several years since the severance from the religion of my F.O.O. I am not as scared, or as paranoid that they will try to draw me back into the fold.
Today I have been resting. My thoughts turned to the fact that June 7th was the anniversary of one of my holy unions. (yes this slave boy has been married before). It's kind of been mucking up my brain, and I just want the thoughts to go away, but there has to be some reason I'm fixating on that particular date. And Flag day was the ex's birthday. Usually this time of year doesn't bother me, maybe that's why I'm trying to figure it out.
Alright, time to go spend time with Master, and eat some dinner, and go to bed. Work tomorrow, and for the next few days...oh joy!
|
back to the top
|
06.06.06
10:30 p.m
Over the last two years my life has been about work. In my career as a chef-boy, I entered the world of corporates, and haven't looked back. This has not allowed me much time for writing, reflection and spending time with slavery and what it means to the Master I serve and myself.
We have had time to discuss slavery, and the function I serve by going to work everyday. She also understands what the culinary arts do for me. Before we moved, I was working with a group of people who loved what they did, were hungry for it, and were working on becoming chefs. The Chefs I worked for pushed us to be better and better.
I miss that aspect of the culinary world right now. I've stepped into a place where people work because it's a job, not a career. They pretty much show up when they want. My chef and I don't understand the mentality, but we come from the same culinary point of view.
Master lets me serve as a Chef because it keeps me healthy and happy. It has interfered with MasT, with other lifestyle functions. It kept me away from participating in boy groups, and all sorts of other kinky fun. I also could not accompany Her to events on regular basis. Not much has changed about that except that I don't work nights any more (for the most part). I still don't get weekends off, but sometimes if I request it, I do. So how does pursuing a career that interferes with participating in events Master wants me to attend relate to slavery, service and obedience?
Cooking is sacred to me. It is an art, and it is a service to people. In making You feel good by the food I provide, I have served a higher function in my life. I serve the Goddess, Master is the Goddess incarnate for me, this means that by participating in a sacred duty, I am fulfulling a spiritual need. How could Master interfere with that level of process?
The sad news is at some point I will no longer be able to do what I do because of health reasons. I am searching about for another way to secure income, and to be happy about feeding people. I am sure a way will open up. I just can't see it right now.
I hope I didn't confuse any body. It is a challenging thought process.
|
back to the top
|
6.02.09
2:30 p.m.
I'm finally revamping this website so that it is all the way functional, and the pages look pretty again. Over a year ago, I decided to reformat with CSS, and couldn't work out the coding. Instead of just taking the site down until I learned the code, I left it up in a very messy state.
I'm sure this has put some people off. Now that it's half way through 2009, and I'm paying for this server, I thought it was time to tackle the task of making slaveboy functional again.
It worked. It turns out that the problem with the current thoughts page was one little toggle. I'm cleaning up the code, and making everything nice (it will still take a while, bear with me). So hopefully, you who were reading my exploits will come back and start reading again. And, I'll start posting again.
I am going to add stuff that I wrote off-line, so check back for updates. The one thing about handcoding websites, vs using an editor, is that it is all done manually. And time is something that is precious for me.
|
back to the top
|
06.01.09
Things to do today;
It's my birthday, and already I'm doing loads of laundry, paid two bills and obtained further information about how to continue paying them, figured out my spending account with my health insurance, and breathed a little.
Breathing is important. I also took Master to work. I need to schedule a massage, Her b-day present to me, and just relax a little. The living room and bedroom still need vacuumed, and I'll have to go to the laundry mat to dry the clothes. Yay for me!
A full day, when all I want to do is kick back, read a book, watch a little t.v. and veg.
|
back to the top
|
![[ Registered ]](graph/reg.gif)
